hi everyone. just had an awful week and feeling sorry for myself. sorry in advance for my whining but i need to vent. i've had two uti's and and viral infection in the past two weeks due to my weakened immune system. on top of that i've tried my best to please everyone in my family even though the effort causes me great pain both physically and mentally from my weakened immune system and illnesses (the worst one being my rsd.) but i keep trying to please everyone and apologize for things that i didn't even do wrong (why i don't know but i've been that way my whole life) low self esteem maybe. anyhow, i just feel so depressed and have gone back to my room, closed the door and just want to be left alone. the reason why is because i feel that sometimes no matter what i do it's never the right way to do it or say it and i just feel like trying my best will never be good enough for anyone in this world. and i'm just so tired of trying today so i'm taking the day off. i wish my family and friends knew how much physical pain it causes me to try as hard as i do to please them. and i wish they knew how much it hurts me emotionally when all i get is constant put downs for the efforts i make to try to make everyone happy. i feel like such a failure sometimes. it's hard enough dealing with a chronic illness with chronic pain without having to feel completely worthless as well. but here i am in my room again feeling like being a hermit is the only thing i'm good at being anymore. sorry if this is too depressing, but i just needed to vent to my friends here on NT who i know understand how i feel. i wish my family would listen to me and understand me like all of you do. some of them do but most of them don't and i just needed to let it out. thanks for listening to my rant. you guys are the best. i hope you're all having a better day then me.

p.s. just fyi i am NOT saying i want to give up on life. i just want some of my family and friends to appreciate the effort i make in trying to make them happy even though i feel constant intense physical pain every single day. i am doing the best that i can.