As she says trial and error will take time
Did she tell you that by the time it is seen the
antidepressants is not working then the weaning process
IS something you SHOULD know about
WITHDRAWAL
And for some people could cause a domino effect
of trial and error gone bad
When lyrica came out fairly new
Was not listed in a category yet
I would tell doctor Krish
I have a feeling of high
I put on it for neurological problems
And had severe allergic reactions to
where as my eldest is put on it for her epilepsy
I do not tell you this to discourage in any way
As I know how it feels
Do log everything as you start them
I pray
So pray
YOUR depression is lifted
I had a friend over yesterday and we had
Morning drinks on the veranda
I was in such good spirits and I
could feel the goodness
That gut feel of doom coming to visit
And all my will could NOT get it to go
Your depression whatever kind
Robs US FROM A QUALITY OF LIFE
I this person did not want surgery
I HAD NO CHOICE ACCORDING TO DOCTORS
I even wonder about that

Isn't that sad

Yet I do not FEEL sad

My a smile on you face come from you gut
May it be the kind of smile that lingers on and on
for the thought that made you smile
NOBODY can take that from you
I feel you pain and sadness
Be well friend
Love
Me

Oh my gosh.....Please know that in no way was I trying to lessen your issue. That was never my intention. I was just trying to be funny.

I'm glad you got to talk to someone. I've been able to do that in the past and it always helped to talk to a person that was not directly involved in my life.

And please.....complain away....that's what we are here for my friend.

Debi

Thank you everybody for your thoughts and encouragement. I am having another rather tough day, It took me 4 hours of just lying in bed trying to find a reason to get up. I never did find that reason but I got up anyway.

Reading all of your responses set me off crying, in a good way by the way.

Kiwi - I will ask about the Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy when I see her again in a little over a week.

Pam - I did start to watch a few of David Fairweather's videos. I started with his self hypnosis, anxiety reduction video but I was having so many distractions and interruptions that I had to stop. I do plan on going back to them when I have fewer distractions. I do appreciate your recommendations. I am pretty sure that you can post links to most youtube videos by the way.

Eva - I unfortunately know all about withdrawal. Not from an addiction but from trying over the last month and a half, to get off of MS Contin my previous PM put me on, which apparently is helping more than I thought. I almost ended up in the ER yesterday. I am not entirely sure if the intense amount of pain was sending me into what I can best describe as shock, if it was withdrawal, or a combination of the two. I can deal with the headache, profuse sweating, diarrhea, cramping, muscle aches and pain...but not the burning pain I went through yesterday morning that left me crying and beginning to convulse. I also understand that the withdrawal is part of my depression, but I also know that it goes beyond that. I have struggled with depression since my younger days and have always been somewhat good at hiding it. I just finally decided to try to get some help for it as it has been getting much worse over these past few months.

Debi - I did not think for one moment that you were lessening my issue. I just know that there are so many others on NT that are dealing with so many issues and complications in their life that my own problems seem so small in comparison. And yet I still can not seem to get past them.

Please Alaina; try not to compare your problems seeming small to others. Each of us deal with things differently, so what may appear to you as a bigger problem than yours, may be not be the case for that person.

Thank you for letting us in by sharing your feelings. We care.


Gerry

I remember the pain and trauma I went through coming of MSContin and OxyContin. Now I hear you are doing that it puts things into perspective, I know my withdrawal was inexplicable, I couldn't fathom the feelings I was going through were withdrawal symptoms. I mean ok, I expected to experience something, what I got was not what I expected. I came off of my own volition and like you I felt pain, sorrow, irritation, despair and life was not worth living. It does get better I promise you.

I know you read my threads and are probably thinking well you don't sound better, but what I'm going through now is pure depression, not withdrawal. My PM put me on Temgesic and within days I felt better. I take it for my pain, I take way less than prescribed and I know now, it helped me through the withdrawal from Oxy and MS. Never again will I take that medication. My depression stems from living and coping with an alcoholic in recovery, not enough pain management and trying to hold it together so no one else knows I'm suffering. I have told no one except my NTrs. NT is my go to place. I can't get to see my psych at present, costs with DB treatment are sky high and that puts additional pressure on me to keep at it and at work. My psych and PM will both tell me not to work....

Hang in there Alaina, it will get better, I'm here for you and sending positive thoughts and virtual hugs.

Pam,

Yes, I have read through some of your threads and do understand that you are suffering from depression. I would like to mention, I have been dealing with some mild depression all of my life. I know that the withdrawal symptoms are not helping the matter at all, but I slipped into the sadness, loneliness and helplessness that I am feeling now a few months back, which was well before I started reducing any of my medications. When I went in for a psychological evaluation for a spinal cord stimulator, I decided I was not going to lie on any of the questions to avoid going for counseling. I was going to take that opportunity to call out for some much needed help. Help I should have looked for a some time ago. I went to one psychiatrist last August when it started to consume me, but I did not like how he wanted to handle matters. I never went back, but should have started searching for someone else back then.

My husband keeps bringing up that I failed the evaluation. No, I did not fail. Please stop telling me that. I am just seeking out the help that I very much need.

Alaina, I feel for you, I re-read my message and it looks like I'm saying its just withdrawal, not what I meant to imply. I wanted to say you have depression along with the withdrawal and with help it will get better.

That feeling of loneliness and helplessness is awful, I wish I could magic it away for you. Good on you for hanging in there and getting yourself into a position where you can get help. It is so important to gel with the psychologist or therapist. I had one once where the sessions were more traumatic than beneficial. At that point in time I didn't realise you could pick and choose who you saw. I was seeing her over my fear of being in the car after a head on MVA and all she wanted to do was talk about my childhood and my mother. I said those things have no bearing on my fear of being in the car following the accident and she went off on a tangent saying I was wasting her time, it was quite awful. Anyway, long story short I told my GP and he referred me to another psych. I wish she was still practicing.

Gosh you are right, you haven't failed anything. My understanding of the evaluation is they decide the SCS implant is either suitable or not. Nothing I'm aware of says it is a pass or fail. There are millions of people who are not suited to the SCS implant, or even the pain pump implant. The PM who referred me for my SCS implant told me I had to believe it was going to work. If I didn't believe it would work then it simply wouldn't work. At the time I said I believed it would. I am sure if I had said "no I'm not certain it will" I would have been told no you can't have it as it won't suit you....

Pam/Alaina,

Responding to the psych about being uncertain would have most certainly disqualified anyone wanting to be approved for a trial. I guess I answered all the questions well enough to get the "okay" for the trial. I had always had my doubts if I wanted to deal with the wires and a battery slipped usually in the buttock area, etc.;

Alaina: as Pam indicated, it is how you may have answered questions which most of us had our doubts. I would not consider that a psych failure;.... just the fact you were not a good candidate for an SCS. Which may or may not have been a good thing.

I had a failed trial with the vibrations in the groin and knee areas. Not nice. My PM wanted me to do another trial.....I said "no"; I had only agreed to the trial in the first place because I felt pressured by my PM.

Pam; you are right tho; you really have to have believe it will work and want it enough to have a good positive attitude. I did not...

In my case I am glad I did not do the SCS. Since the trial, I have had three surgeries below the waist and groin areas that would have really messed up the wires/leads for the SCS.


Gerry

And would just like to add
Never to minimize in anyway ones depressive state
There are many contributing factors
As depression always in my life
On all different levels
For many different reasons
Your pain is deep I am sure
And when your pain cannot be addressed in
Anyway shape form
All has been exhausted
And in the end have to just live with certain
Problems till the day we die
Hoping you get a break
As that's all I pray for
I got lucky with some help
feeling better
And able to take what life has to offer
in a kinder way
I still hurts to type
Yet I have tried to push myself
I have so much to offer
Maybe not
I hope to
Love
Me

my dear alaina. i am so sorry you are having such a rough time with your rsd pain and depression from it as well. everything you wrote on this post is everything i feel from time to time too. i hope it somehow comforts you to know you are not alone. i am here if you ever need to talk along with the caring people here at NT. my family and NT have been a great support system for me. my husband has been great but sometimes living with a chronically ill person wears on them too and they just need a break. and sometimes friends you know may think that though your rsd is a physical illness that if you tried to be more positive it might help to lessen the pain. what many people who don't have rsd don't understand is that its hard to be always positive when your in constant horrific pain from a rare and incurable and quite terrifying illness. an illness that alot of drs don't know how to treat to help manage the pain. an illness where friends will sometimes say insensitive things like "you don't look sick". they don't see the pain we feel every day and the scars both physically and emotionally that we have due to rsd. but we know those scars are there and real and we understand each other because we are all going through it together. and even though our families, spouses and friends may not always understand what we are going through that doesn't mean they don't love us and care. they just get frustrated because they don't know what to do to help us feel better. i have been seeing a physchiatrist as well as a pain management dr on a regular basis to help manage my rsd pain, fibromyalgia (which i got several years after being diagnosed with rsd) and depression and anxiety. they prescribe meds that help me to deal better with my rsd, fibro and depression and anxiety. maybe that might help you to. just remember that rsd is not in your head, it is a very real illness that causes physical as well as emotional pain. and know that you matter to your loved ones and to me and your friends here at NT. i try to take it a day at a time. it's not as overwhelming to deal with that way. i hope you feel better soon. sending soft hugs your way.