Today is awful. Its sunny outside but I still have a cold. Had to go to Wal-Mart this morning because my brother decided that we were going to cook them something to eat today. Don't feel like doing anything but sleeping. Glad that I don't have to go back to work till Thursday- I dread every day that I have to go to work. Its a chore to even get out of bed anymore.

it sounds like you are sinking deeper... hard to get out of bed = oh no. i'm glad you have till thursday to recoup. maybe by then at least the cold will have let up. physical illness, even "just" a cold sometimes, can be sooo debilitating, and take your emotions with them.

sorry you have been "enlisted" for cooking today. any chance you can say, no, you do it, i'm not up to it? well let me not get into "problem solving mode" here.

i just wish for you the time and personal space to cuddle up with a nice book or a soft toy or a cozy blanky, and just be.

((( hugs )))

~ waves ~ from across the ocean

and sleep. sleep is good. sleep is excellent! get as much as you can, whenever you can! best cold medicine!

Believe me if I could I would. We managed to set the grill on fire even though it had been cleaned and I got yelled at because I didn't run fast enough into the house to grab some towels. My brother threw the grease pan across the yard (its one of those fancy gas grills with the side burner and the removable grease pan). I am still tired- at one point couldn't even stay awake long enough to eat anything. I am physically sick from being anxious about work. I don't know how to make it go away. I am still down and having more of those bad thoughts. I found some songs to fit the mood on my iPod. I am considering actually trying out some of my ideas. I am debating if I should do it in my fire district or go somewhere else . . .

pleeeeeease, don't don't don't go there! Sounds like you're slipping... badly.

Can you get hold of your pdoc - emergency number?

But, please hear me, if you must go somewhere, please please please go to the ER (different one than where you work if that's awkward), but go now, on your own two feet and tell them your ideas. consider going inpatient. lots of us have. it's a way of being safe and cared for for a while, until things are better - and they will be. please be safe.

Your brother sounds so unsupportive. I don't know your situation enough to blather suggestions on that ... i just wish there were a way to get ACROSS to him how badly you are feeling. Have you, perchance, shared your specific ideas with him, or anyone else around you?

that cookout thing sounded like an awful day, but thankfully, it's OVER. I hope you have a better day today, even slightly better, but better.

hugggs to you... please stay with us, keep posting.

~ waves ~

during a convalescent period, i took a job as a consultant on a 6 month contract - work = get paid, stay home = don't get paid. I became so anxiety ridden over it - felt incompetent, clueless, superfluous, lost, confused... then had some manic sx mix in but no diff.

of 4 months (i then receded from contract) i must have worked 6 weeks ish, NOT continuous, and never a full week at a time. I was bedridden in the morning and when i got there i had anxiety attacks. The bathroom became homebase.

Any job, esp new job, for anyone, is stressful, BUT. The kind of job you are in is EXTREMELY stressful. And stress is like the enemy of depression. I have had anxiety and depression to the point of becoming anorexic - only because my stomach closed and i couldn't choke food down. I became very weak.

Please think a bit on your job... is it something you really want to do? Can you talk to your supervisor about your anxieties... fears of not coping... disorientation in spite of orientation? He/she may be able to give you a comforting perspective?

On a different bent, are you taking any anxiolytics? If you feel you must keep this work, for want or for need, perhaps your pdoc can give you some help in that department. It may "get you over the hump" until the job feels more comfortable. I don't know your meds, but perhaps that or a different tweak may be in order...

i hope my thoughts don't overwhelm you.

more hugggs

~ waves ~

I don't have a doc to go to. I have been toughing it out for two years now. I have a lot of issues that have compounded the problem.

resq ~ please do find a way to see one. Life could and can be so much better.
"Toughing it out" just doesn't work ~ we've had to find out the hard way.

Sending you warm hugs along with all good wishes...

There is no way that I can do that. My parents are oblivious and its better they stay that way. They guy I called hasn't called me back- I guess he doesn't want to talk to me.

Check your email, resq.

I'm hoping tomorrow finds you feeling better.

Please get some good sleep.

Sending you hugs...

hi there Resq,

how are you doing? been thinking about you. hope you are ok. drop a line when you can.

hugs

~ waves ~