Junie, I keep returning to this forum to reread your post, hoping I can think of something positive to say to help you out of the gloom that's become your life since the failed surgery. No one could blame you for feeling the way you do at this time in your life. You've lost more than your health and I admire your willingness to share that pain here.

There is a safety net...and it's the people who "hang out on these forums". I always hope for a better tomorrow..that the promise of time will give a new prospective to the reality of today.

Please know that we are here for you...and it does help to talk about it.

Gentle hugs.

Oh Junie,

My heart breaks for you. Tears started streaming down my face as I read your thread and had to stop as I couldn't even see the words. I am so glad you did hit the submit button. You shouldn't keep things in. Please keep writing about how you are feeling and doing. I have had depression for many years and most likely will always have it. There have been times in my life as well that I thought about ending it all as I felt like I couldn't handle any more. I'm so glad I didn't. Life is precious even though we sometimes go through things that almost break us. You have definitely gone through things that would break alot of people. Are you on any antidepressants? If not, it would help you to deal with alot of this. Please know that I will be thinking of you and please keep us posted as to how you are doing. I care.

Love,
Linda

Remember, if he brings you to it, he'll bring you through it.

Junie.........no words.......just ((((HUGS))))

I am sorry if it seems like I don't care enough to post again...and that I don't appreciate all thats been said here because I do.....I don't know whats wrong with me anymore....its like I am part of the living dead.....just going through the motions of life...afraid to feel anything......I feel as though I have no one....dh thinks most everything is in my mind....accused me of inventing the Sx to go along with the Dx....little does he know I had my MRI because of the sx....the numbness that won't go away...the pain that travels all over my body (except for the never ending back pain that never leaves) ....and my sons would rather not think about it since that would mean moma may not get better, so we joke about it if it ever comes up....my extended family including my sisters (except for one) and mom and oldest son would rather not have anything to do with the family junkie....none of them even bothered to come to the hosp when I had the fusion....so its just so sad that my only link with the rest of the world is virtial friends.....I miss human contact....the feel of someone actual touching me......the only IRL contact I have is my faithful dog, a mini schnauser....if not for her I would not have made it!
Don't get me wrong...I am grateful I have this place to come to...I know I sound like a nut.....but I can't help but wonder how long a person can survive without human contact...anyone know???

(((Junie))) I hear you and I am so sorry. If only I could reach thru this screen and get my arms around you. So happy to hear that you have a dog and he has you....dogs are reasons to live...hold him close.

Do you attend church? I ask because it can be a wonderful support group in your life...loving people who show up just "because".

Please hang on....I'd get very aggresive with a dr. or two about the amt. of pain you are in. Sometimes we just have to get loud with the medical profession in order for them to hear. Do not try to be brave!!! Please call your dr. in the morning.

Gentle hugs.

Oh Junie,
You don't have to be sorry for anything. I'm the one that's sorry that you are having to go through all this, virtually alone. It's very sad indeed. Yes, our pets can be wonderful comrads when things look bleak. They never judge and always want to be close. I have always wanted one of those dogs and hopfully, eventually, I will get one. I use to have a basset hound that I loved so much. I had him for thirteen years until he got sick and I had to have him put to sleep. It was one of the sadest days of my life. Junie, it's a shame that your family does not support you. That is suppose to be what family's are for. I understand about your kids as my kids are basically the same way. They don't like to think of Mom being sick, so they try and ignore it. But, for your husband and Mom and the rest of the family, they should all be there for you. I wish I could give you a great big hug. Don't give up, just keep coming on here and posting anytime you want. It isn't the same as real contact but know that our thoughts and prayers are just as powerful. Take care.
Love,
Linda

Yes. Post, post and post again if you are able. Talk to as many people as you can. Know that they care, because they do. And most have some idea of what you're experiencing, even if it's not exactly the same. I went through my last surgery with no visits during or after except for my one best friend, so I know what that feels like. But I'm sending every good wish and feeling I have your way, and continuously hoping that you start feeling better real soon...

Idealist