I do so hate asking you once again to give me your support, but I badly need it at the moment, and I also need some advice as well. If you can find it in your hearts to help me out, I will be eternally grateful.

Some of you might have been following the thread that I started where I was talking about the emotional pain that my sister has been causing me, time after time. I just wanted to let you know that she has finally worn me down. Today I was officially diagnosed with depression, and that's a first for me! Never before have I been diagnised with clinical depression. I've been sad in the past, but never truly depressed. I have my self centred, manipulative sister to blame for this.

I've survived so many things that have happened in my life over the past few years, but I had an especially hard time during the last 9 months. It started with major surgery for bowel cancer in September, removal of my cancerous nose and reconstruction surgery in January, the loss of my nursing career of 40 years due to ill health, and upheaval from the state we were happy in due to circumstances out o our control. All this happened over a matter of 3 months.

I had to apply for, and accept payments from the disability services because we just couldn't survive without the income I lost when I had to give up my career.

My brother from whom I was alienated died early May and I never got the chance to resolve the issues that kept us apart. A very close friend died a few days after my brother did, and then May and June have seen the anniversaries of the demise of several people who were very close to my heart. My first baby, 57 yr old mother, my 62 yr old father, my 41 year old sister in law, and a very close girlfriend of many years, all died in a May or a June.

I've had MS for 31 years now and although I've been very strong, fought it all the way and tried not to ever let it get my spirits down, my sister's antics have finally been the straw that broke this camel's back.

She has done to me what over 30 years of chronic illness could not do. She is a very manipulative person who plays games with people's emotions, and unfortunately for me I've been her main punching bag day after day, month after month, year after year.

My sister and the truth have always been easily parted so she quickly gets the unsuspecting on her side. I've no idea what she told the staff at the hospital she has been in, but I got a call from the nurse looking after her yesterday (I had not left my name or number). That nurse told me my sister asked her to ring, because I had upset her (I phoned to give hr my love) by asking her why she was in hospital. I did ask her why she was there, and whether I could help her in any way, all because I love her. Once again my DSis has twisted things to her own purposes, uncaring of who she hurt in the process.

I have always survived in the past. I have always mangaged and I have always fought back. This time my sister has worn me right down.

I've been started on Efexor, and incase it's not called that in the US, it's long name is Venlafaxine. I also have a referral to see a psychologist for counselling, but I have no idea what to expect with that. I've never been one to share a great deal of my feelings, so I'm not sure how this is going to work for me. I tend to be one of those who bottle everything up, only to explode at a later date. Please wish me luck.

With so much on my mind lately I clean forget my appointment with the bowel specialist yesterday that I'd waiting for several months for, to come around. The appointment was to arrange a colonoscopy for a 12 month check up, to make sure the bowel cancer hadn't returned. I already cancelled it once, now I have to wait until nearly Christmas to get another appointment. I'm not sure that I'll be wanting to do this come Christmas this year.