I am doing alright. I am maintaining. Not happy, not depressed. Despite everything going on around me I have managed to reach a level that can sustain me through the days. Everything is walled up nice and neat, mom in the hospital, surgery on my leg, money bad bad, lots of death and I manage to take a step back to be able to maintain my sanity.

Walled, high and thick, then I am driving and feel a mental shift, takes just a simple question, a perceived slight, almost as though the top half of my brain shifts sideways a bit. I feel a change, but I pretend to myself that I am ignoring it and maintain, I think. Home, safe, mean feeling, meat is spoiled, no dinner, waste of money we don't have. Goes in trash, trash bag is leaking on floor, wall is leaking in head, suddenly faster and faster it rushes, too fast for me to stop up. I have to hurry!! Where to go to let it out??!! Grin crazily at child to reassure that I am not crazy on way to haven. Light out. Silent, open mouthed cries. The wall has crumbled. All my work for just days of "peace?" gone so quickly. So easily.

Cries, think of it all now, get it all out now, make sure everything is thought of, cried over, cover it all. Suddenly arms are warm and hold in comfort. Give me strength and silent understanding.

I pick up a brick.............