((((ada))))

you are doing the right thing for you. searching for info. getting feedback.

not giving up is the best thing. i am very proud of you. i can tell you have done research and know this is not something to decide on overnight.

have you gone to the vns forum of birdbombs? i think you will find info there and others to help. besides here that is.

nobody has been in your shoes. there are members on survivors of suicide who will understand.

take care ada. we are here for you.

Dear Ada ....

You have, indeed, had a long and painful history of depression. One of my sisters has had a number of exceedingly serious suicide attempts, and it was only luck (or god) that she was found in time and brought back from the edge of death.

The reason I asked about whether you have been tried on Lamictal is because many bipolars are never diagnosed because they never ever have a manic episode - but a mood stabilizer is vital to helping them overcome their depression. The fact that the ADs you tried caused you to become suicidal (unless this was as a teen or in your early twenties) is more evidence of bipolar as suicide is most often an impulsive act, and impulsivity is the hallmark of bipolar, whether found in someone considered to be BPD or whether in someone who is considered to just have depression.

Bipolar II is exceedingly difficult to diagnose - often going undetected until someone is over 50 years of age. So during this year or more that you wait for your surgery to be approved, do consider this avenue wtih your psychiatrist. Lamictal is exceedingly safe and incredibly low on side effects, especially on the doses used by bipolars (as opposed to those for control of grand mal seizures). It is unique as an antiseizure med as it works so well on depression.

Thank you for your gracious response to my posts ... I realize now that you may by now be rather tired of meeting people who think you are going "too fast", not knowing enough of your particular circumstances..

Please do stay with us this year ... and even after your surgery. You have so much to teach us.

Teri

Ada, you are always there for us and so supportive, I would never know how deep the depression is. While overwhelmed with depression, I never had to fight the suicide thoughts. Must be different chemical balance.

If the stim is the way after two years they want to go, I would only check into the placement and alternatives. If I can locate the person with the stim in that spoke at NAMI I will send an email to them.

You are a blessing to be here for us Ada, knowing now the battle you have fought from not only physical, but in your soul. If things are this heavy on you, I will truely hopw the answer for a fuller better life is soon to come.
Di

I lost someone I cared about recently, and it is heavy on my mind daily.

Thanks again for the help.

I am not bipolar. All of the Drs. have said that.

I do have 2 caregivers. I just had one until Bill passed in Nov. and the company that my one caregiver works for brought in another one right away to help me and I suspect watch me. I have a helpline now also in case I fall again.

The Drs. can't get over how involved I am in my care and yet deal with such a degree of depression. I have ran into only 2 other people that have it to the degree I do.

I have been told that I am missing a chemical that fights off diseases and cancer. Apparently that includes depression also.

I give new meaning to the word depression. LOL I do have a sense of humor, I do look normal, I have a lot of people in my life and luckily they know what I have been through so they stick by me. I have a lot of what I call adopted kids along with my own daughter Susan and they are amazed at what shape I am in. No one thought 3 years ago I would be living, I hear that all of the time.

DiMarie, you have known me on here since around 99 on the TOS forum. I remember when I first came on here how bad off I was physically and mentally. I have came a long way but the depression is another one of those diseases that I am not going to get rid of on my own.

I put on a good front for everyone around me. Bill knew how bad my depression was and he lived with it and helped take care of me with it. He worked with my Dr. to help me as much as he could. Now that he is gone, I am on my own here at home dealing with it. It is definatly not going away on it's own.

I am very interested in knowing how people have done with it for depression, I wouldn't mind talking to people that have it in.

Thanks again for the good info.

Ada

Hi Ada ...

Actually, I had many doctors through the years deny that I was bipolar. MANY doctors and therapists. NOT BIPOLAR. Never had any manic episodes at all. Didn't have the right kind of history. So how did I find out that I was bipolar? How did the doctors prove the diagnosis? By discovering that I responded to a mood stabilizer. By being put on Lamictal and seeing the subtle, yet dramatic difference it has made to my functioning. They did try me on several other "mood stabilizers" with poor (and even negative) response before they put me on Lamictal. It enables ADs to do what they should do, without the bad side effects ADs used to cause me.

Bipolar is found much more frequently in those who have had adverse childhoods like you and I have. And Lamictal helps those with BPD, too.

Just wanted to pass this on to you, for someday you may be in a position to pass on this information. My life before ADs was a nightmare. But ADs made other parts of my life dysfunctional and certainly didn't solve any problems. None of the real problems.

I am sorry to hear that you are physically disabled, too -- all of these things are important considerations in your pursuing aggressive treatement for your depression. If I were you, I'd be willing to take all the risks... I am glad you are able to keep so upbeat, despite all the bad breaks like has handed you..

Teri

I would like to add to OneMoreTime's information about the VNS. This is taken from the manuals

Hi, I'm Donna and I have a sister with bipolar, who has had the VNS,
for about 6 months now. I also have a son who is 15 who has had
the VNS for 2 1/2 years for seizures, who also has at times suffered
from hallucinations,anxiety, and other things. He still has seizures
at times, and is on three medicines that are maxed out. He wont
ever probably be seizrue free. But he does have a much better
quality of life than he did. He would tell you that VNS for him is
a success. My sister chose to go with the VNS, after it was approved
by the FDA for depression, after seeing how much it helped my
son with his many types of seizures. She has suffered from bipolar,
and been in and out of hospitals for over 15 years. Been on almost
every kind of drug there is, she is part of NAMI in Indiana.

Depression or Bipolar runs extensively in my immediate family and my
husbands too. My other son's have a form of it, and one of my other
sister's does too. I have some problems with it too, thanks to all
the troubles with my son's all three of them.

BUt regressing here, the cyberonics group, can give you the name
of people that have been implanted, with the device to talk to
of course they will have had luck with the things. But that will
be good for that side.


There are ways to locate those that haven't had luck too.

Donna

Thanks Donna,

For your input on the VNS. My Dr. and I started the paperwork for me Friday. It's the one thing I have been excited about in a long time. He is very on board for me to get this.

I don't expect a miracle. I'm a realist and I know that it might not do a thing for me and I also know I have a long fight first with my insurance company and then having it put in and getting it turned on and sat.

I have plenty of time to do research on it and that's what I'm doing. I got a tape and books in the mail from the company but I am also going to do my own research for it. Actually my Dr. is the one that found out about it a couple of years ago and said if it was approved by the FDA for depression then we'd go after it. It was approved in July of last year and I have had a lot going on that I didn't know it until awhile back.

I am glad it has helped your family. My family doesn't have much of a history of depression. I think Daddy had it but I couldn't get his medical records to know. Mom didn't have it and I had 9 brothers and sisters and none of them deal with it. I do have a great uncle that had it and his kids so I can't say it wasn't in the family just not the immediate family. I come from a family that is always happy and have really good lives. I am the only one that has ever went through the depression. I'm also the only one though that has delt with medical problems all of my life. I do realize that my medical problems play a big part in my depression but I also know that my depression is extremely bad. I have a nurse that has it as bad as I do and she has helped me to deal with it some and she is excited about me getting this chance. She's took care of me and been a friend for 17 years so she knows me very well.

I know there are different degrees of depression. I have seen them and as I said before I have only met two people that have it as bad as I do.

I believe that everyone on here has their own degree of depression. Some worse then others, some different then others.

Thanks again for all of the help.
Ada

http://www.vnstherapy.com/depression/hcp/

Local broadcast information. Was covered in 46 cities
Di

Ada

Keep us posted. We that have kept up with how the kids and adults
do with it have found that the adults especially that go into it with
the attitude that any help they get is better than they were have
done exceptionally well. THey have a gift in their way of dealing
with life then. I know that for my sister she entered it thinking that
just a little of help would be better than none.

And that was what we wanted with my son and his seizures.
We thought if he got some energy and stamina that would be a
plus. ANd seizures a little better would be heaven.

Donna