I am a 38 year old Mom of two. I work part-time generally, but full-time when required. I work in healthcare. My boss does not believe in fibro and is not supportive, but I love my job and that patients so that is why I stay, plus of course, I need to work to live.

I have had fibro for almost 20 years. Officially "diagnosed" last May. Finally after years of pain and negative test results; I FINALLY researched on my own and found a doctor that would listen to my whole story without any preconceived notions or judgement.

For years I thought maybe I had MS? or chronic fatigue? or I was just plain going crazy. Since dr's often thought it was "hormonal" and "in your head", and all my test results were negative, I had no reason to not believe them. ALthough I knew my body was telling me different.

I went through post partum depression after my first pregnancy which I think was brought on my a traumatic delivery and no time to heal, colicky child and sleep deprivation -- I was put on Paxil and Rivitrol for panic attacks.
I was unsure if I was going to have any more children and waited 7 years before having another, I was so afraid of PPD again.
I also required a few surgeries for repair after my first child and was not too anxious to get into all that again.
I will have my last major repair/restructure in 2010.

I had always had "hints" of fibro from my early teens onward; once told I perhaps had chronic fatigue syndrome; but then I would bounce back and be fine for weeks. I believe that the birth of my first child escalated my fibro which had been manageable until that time. Perhaps even lying dormant?....
One shall never know.

The only test result that was of any significance was that I had an elevated ANA titre, but not high enough to be considered lupus. And then when I had my first breast surgery the surgeon told me I had a mess of fibrous tissue that was a light bulb moment for me and I started to research fibro. I had ALL the symptoms, it was just like I was reading my life on paper....

After my first child it was like my body rebelled and I got into all kinds of pain, muscle spasm...this was the start of my downward slide.

I have not taken Paxil for years, but still take the Rivitrol at night. I am afraid I am addicted to it, well, no, I know I am addicted to it. It stops anxiety and helps me sleep a bit better and when I try to stop it all together the anxiety escalates; it is a terrible cycle.

I have tried many NSAID's, but due to my stomach issues I am not able to take many of them. Lyrica is the next thing that was offered and I have not been able to tolerate it. Right now sitting on my counter I have 25mg tabs to try. That is the lowest possible dose.
I am skeptical and so have not even opened the container.

From the moment I had my first child I have slide farther and farther down the ladder of symptom control and being able to cope.
Along with fibro I have suffered terribly from interstitial cystitis, IBS, GERD and fibrocystic breast disease ( for which I have had surgeries and had to take numerous bouts of antibiotics for the intense pain and swelling of fibroadenomas), chronic headaches, terrible terrible muscle spasms - out of the blue, no rhyme, no reason, insomnia, palpitations, heat intolerance, and now I am afraid, depression; although I do not want to admit that.

This is what is sending me to this board.

I do not think I can cope. My children are still young and I am trying to be a good Mom for them, but most days I am not. I am more irritable and agitated, my brain has gone to mush; I have memory difficulties, word finding difficulties.

"I" am lost. Lost in a haze of pain and despair. I have lost my hope.

Last night I slept not a wink. The muscle spasm in my back and my one leg brought on some very desperate thoughts.

I found this board by googling and just needed to talk to others that have similar experiences? are going through similar symptoms?

Thanks for listening