Hi guys, first post. Happy to be here.


In need of some help at the moment. I am having a variety of symptoms that I need some guidance on. The doctors aren't helping me much and insist a lot of these things are caused by bipolar. Please bear with me if you don't mind.

I have been diagnosed with BP II and depression since I was a teenager. Also ADD but I don't consider that a real diagnosis, just spacey. Depression, then bipolar II as I grew older. I have taken dozens of different medications. Benzos, adderall, mood stabilizers, anti-depressants, APs, etc. In 2012, I started on zyprexa. Had been on some other stuff, mainly risperidone a year before that. Also take gabapentin atm.

At first, I started on zyprexa and thought I had found the solution to my conundrum of many years. I thought it was a miracle drug. About a year ago, I kind of woke up one day and realized it was failing to manage my symptoms, and having side effects and cognitive decline. I had a numb spot in the back of my head while I was on it. That spot is no longer numb but in overdrive.

Long story short, I switched to seroquel in January. I had been tapering the zyprexa prior to that. I recently have been able to get off of that and I now just take 900 mg of gabapentin at night. I had a somewhat atypical reaction coming off of it. No one seems to believe me but I am still having serious issues. I am concerned for my health and I don't know what to do.

I have had hundreds of symptoms. Yeah, the typical stuff. Psychosis, mood swings, severe mania, bone crushing depression. I hated to be alive for months but honestly I expected some of that stuff.

I now have numbness, tingling, throughout my body, I seem to be permanently manic in the always awake sense not the euphoric sense, I'm constantly hot. I sweat a lot. Weird chest pains. I worry about my heart and organs. I have diarrhea probably 10 times a day. I have a weird, pulsing pain on either side of my stomach that is pretty constant sometimes bad sometimes mild. I vomit almost every day. Sometimes a dozen times. Nausea. I feel like I have some type of nerve damage. I feel like I am crawling in my skin all the time. It has been a nightmare to live inside of my body for over a year now. These things have been persisting almost the whole time.

I don't have insurance and want to get all of this stuff checked out but most people just consider it a return of my symptoms and freak out when I tell them I am getting off of my medication. I consider most of them highly toxic. My mind, my body, my life, my decision. Honestly my bipolar isn't any worse now but I never had full blown mania to begin with. Most of my bipolar signs were considered 'soft signs'. It was mostly depression and largely situational IMO. Life has been hard for me.

Since going through whatever has happened to me from stopping zyprexa (it has been about a year that I have been having serious symptoms) I have picked up drinking pretty heavy (about 6-8 drinks a day sometimes less). It was the only way I got any relief from the withdrawal. Not smart, I know, but I was on the edge for a while. Still am in some ways. Trying to quit, harder than I realized.

I don't know what to do. I don't have insurance, the doctors don't seem to listen. They insist that zyprexa withdrawal doesn't even exist beyond a couple weeks. Yeah right. I've even had them give me a bipolar diagnosis from a walk in clinic that talked to me for five minutes when I was complaining about neurological problems not related to a mood disorder. They don't know where to start. All the tests and everything would cost a fortune. I am willing to get help and I will get insurance when Obama lets me in November but won't be in effect until January. I just need to get moving in the right direction and need some guidance.

I am really concerned about my health. Thanks for listening. Sorry for the novel.