I think not willing to let you share on his FB is a very telling thing.

How old is this guy? Is he an older bachelor? Ever been married or in a successful relationship? Does he have a pet, that he loves? Does he treat service people in public in a shabby way? Like waitresses or salespeople? People who do that are self centered and selfish. Does he complain alot about how he is "treated" in some situations? Does he hate waiting in lines for service? You obviously see him in real life, so you would have seen how he treats others.

I have found that men who remain bachelors, and never commit to a relationship have odd behaviors, and "reasons" for being so.
Some men are VERY self centered. The more so, the worse for any female in their lives! If he is a narcissist, you'd best beware and avoid any entanglements, beyond the superficial.

I personally think that too much teasing (as in the older brother stuff), can become rather revealing of a hostile personality. Some teasing can be fun, but lots of teasing becomes demeaning to the victim and reveals a bit of sadistic pleasure in the giver. Young people tease alot these days...and I know my son, who is rather sensitive never never liked it! It sets up a gradient of the victim being "less" than the teaser ...who needs to feel superior. When it is done in excess, as a major communication tool, it reflects immature and selfish attitudes IMO.

I'm 44, Joe is 60. He's been married 3 times. I've always been single.
His first marriage ended, because, they just weren't compatible and always bickering. His second marriage ended, because, his wife became
a drug-addict and, one day, he came home and found her on the floor,
dead. That's what lead to his major anxiety and depression.
So, by his last marriage, he'd come down with Depression and anxiety,
already. Anyhow, he has a couple of sons from his marriage to the
woman, who, got hooked on drugs. One of his sons, also, had marital issues and was calling Joe at all hours of the night and day, for support and someone to talk to. Also, one of his sons had a beautiful 3 year old son, who, came down with Cancer and, just, recently, passed away.
So, Joe had to be a rock for his son, all, during that major ordeal.
So, there ya go! Major, major trauma in his life, in, a very short period of time. Anyhow, he's really, very good to everyone including, me, aside,
from this Face-Book, issue. I just don't understand, why, our other friends are on his face-book "friends" page, but, he won't add *me*???

Phyllis

Well, he probably doesn't want or need a relationship with a woman at this time.

I know many women who don't want any relationships with men after their marriages ended for whatever reasons.

Keeping things simple in his mind might be an prevention of future pain. Some people are just like that.

I agree with Kitty so far, don't give him the book, yet.

*I* *don't* want a relationship!! I think of him as, an older brother,
nothing, more, nothing, less! I told him, this, in an E-mall.
He never responded. But, he's been wonderful to me when we meet
for our support-group. It's *just*, this, Face-Book, issue???

Phyllis

People can perceive things based on their own experience. It is really hard to predict what they want or mean sometimes.

Men often don't discuss verbally "feelings"... and are uncomfortable with that mode. But if you look at ACTIONS/behaviors often the answers are expressed that way.

In this case this guy is expressing something to you, regarding FB membership. This is his way of dealing with this issue. It is obviously not YOUR way, and so you don't understand it.

I think FB is highly overrated. It might be handy for businesses, and groups...and I do have some faves in that category. But I don't myself feel comfortable having alot people on our friends list and reading what coffee they are having this morning, or every detail of their lives. We have a few close friends and that is it. Once the list gets long it becomes a chore to read it all IMO. On the other hand some people LOVE FB... and they have high social needs and FB provides that connection.

I think we all have to accept that these differences exist, and not let them emotionally have negative impacts on our daily lives.

Phyllis, I think we (as women) often read more into things than men do. He probably doesn't even realize that you are upset by the fact he hasn't added you to his FB "friends" list.

I used to overthink things and come to my own conclusions only to find out later that I had gotten all worked up for no reason.

I've been single now for close to 10 years. My DH passed away in 2001. I dated a few men and had a couple of "relationships" since then but learned that I just don't have the emotional energy to invest in a new relationship.

Maybe Joe wanted more of a relationship with you and your email made him realize that you aren't interested in him "that way". He could possibly be pulling away to protect his feelings? I don't know...just a thought. Maybe just give him some time and he'll come around. It sounds like he's had alot of hurt in his life. I can understand his wanting to protect his heart.

I wrote him a *long* e-mail, letting him know, exactly, how I felt!
I told him, I don't think, *any*, of our mutual friends, would do *half*
of what I did for him!! Last Christmas, (his first Christmas, since,
losing his grandson,) I got him a very nice picture frame with his
grandsons' name and the date the he was born, and, the date, he
passed away. I thought, he'd really like that for a picture of his
grandson. He really did like it when he opened it. He said, it was
really special!!

Phyllis

Well, I'd just give him some time.....there could be things going on in his life that you aren't aware of.