Jeez PamelaJune
Your right
Nothing easy
To know mum is doing well
A weight of them broad shoulders
86
My mom 78
In bad shape
I shed tears if I canÂ’t shake this life of sadness
And to live that long is scary
My angel Eva every morning
Never forgetting
As her eyes open sees me and says with her arms stretched out and says
HUG
you would think that would do it right
ThatÂ’s why I am scared
It overwhelms me the love she exudes
She says she loves my hugs and the way I smell
We are like two peas in a pod
I to am very sensitive to smell
And when there is a soft pleasant smell it comforts me
I give her a wipe every morning when I get her ready with a spray of the smell that comforts her
It is a combination af two smells and have been wearing it for four decades now
Asked always what is it I wear
Tell them itÂ’s made special
She buries her head between my balloons
And holds me tight
You would think that would be enough
I cannot say to live to their age will happen
ItÂ’s just a feeling I have
We shall see
As baby sister lives near the ocean
I plan to spend most the summer down there
I want to push myself into life as I used to enjoy it
My favorite sports to engage in when I was not in this shape was volleyball in the sand with some serious players
My feet
My toes would grip the sand as I would plunge into keeping the ball going
How many times I would surf the sand doing so
Come to think of it what happened to everybody
Here I go
Thinking how much time has passed since I became ill
I will be 57 shortly
I became out of commission at 49
And will never forget
It
Getting up out of bed to take my shower and get ready for work
This feeling of a terrible terrible stiff neck
That turned out to be a crushed disc
And from the very first encounter with the hospital and the staff to date was there only one woman out of all of my entire experience
ONE WOMAN
who turned out to be a nurses aid I will never forget
Anindian woman with a difficult name to pronounce
So she has people call her Rodger
Who asked me to trust her as I was hung over that god awful uncomfortable hospital bed
Could not keep anything down as they are now pumping me up with mophine allergic dalaudid again allergic this was the start of my medicine nightmares began
And oh how horrible it is to have to take the medication I do now
My mom not well
With my genetic history
All I need to do is look at her
And I havenÂ’t seen her in many years
My baby sister is the only one of us three who is still in her life

Back to you
Hope it is something to lift your spirit
As you already are beautiful
Take care
Hoping your body gives you a break
And for mind
May it be calm as we try to figure out what to do next
With love and hugs
Me

I hadn't made the connection, but yeah, the wobble could well have induced the vertigo attack.

Nope, nothing is ever easy LOL. But, that makes it worth it even more when something does finally work out OK.

And in a few months you will look back and realize you are already finding more Pam-pieces than you actually realize at this point.

Hope the pain is at least mostly gone now?

Pain gone, just feels a little tender. Will be interesting to see what happens over the next 2 weeks. She has booked me in for a follow up consult on the 12th, it is where they tweak what has taken in the 2 weeks. I won’t be having any tweaking to my cheeks I can tell you. The forehead and crows feet no problem, she can tweak away.

DB rang about money, in the conversation I told him about the daily phone calls in the afternoon and the emails I receive** I said if she continues I will report her to the police. He said “How do I know it’s her” I said google it, you will see it brings up her name. So to make sure he knows, I took a screenshot of it clearly showing her name, circled it in red and sent it to him. Told him I am scared of her and I’ve had enough. I said I have left you and her in peace. I asked does she know you’re talkings about starting afresh with me, he said she knows we’re talking, I said does she know you are looking at houses, he said no and I said are you sure she doesn’t know? The phone calls & emails started after you spoke about getting a new house and starting afresh. He got all huffy, I said I can’t help it if you have got yourself into a precarious position with a psychopath, only you can extricate yourself from it. But I’m telling you, any more emails or calls and I will involve the police. No hesitation.

I thought when she lived here it was bad enough with the daily drama, now I’m on tenterhooks and she isn’t even here. I well remember sitting here one day thinking I wish she was gone, I could feel her looking at me, I remember thinking I will go to hell thinking bad thoughts about this girl, but so help me I wish she wasn’t here. Now here I am a few months later and she is gone, my life turned upside down yet she remains a spectre in my home. It’s like living in a nightmare.

Pam,
It would appear she and db deserve one another. Even confronting him about these emails; he tends to not want to believe this could be her. Can't believe this man; he comes to you with looking at houses and talk of getting back together; all the while he is still with her. This man knows no shame.

I feel for all you are going through. Stay strong. You will come out all the better.


Gerry

Pam, it worries me a lot that she is still stalking you. Sadly, I doubt that the police would be of much use.

You could take out an Apprehended Violence Order (AVO) against her. An AVO is for the courts to decide (the police are not involved). The court could rule that she can not contact you in any way nor approach you house within (say) 500 metres. There are probably Legal Aid people in Perth who can help with this. Breaking an AVO is a crime.

As far as the stalking e-mails are concerned you could contact Gmail, asking them to block all messages from her e-mail address. You would just have to say that you are being stalked. I have never had to do this but I think that Gmail is good about this - the messages just get bounced back to the originator address.

This might contribute to her psychosis (not unknown with people with BPD) but that is her problem, not yours.

Good advice, but... sadly she seems clued up, and creating new or anon addresses is 3 seconds work these days. In fact, it may even make her up her game.

I think we are working with a truly dangerous person here (we found more stuff that is very disturbing), so we need to tread carefully. What helps against "normal" humans may actually speed up her psychotic behavior. She is vicious, unpredictable, smart. She will try everything, and we can already see the next drama coming up like in a bad movie.

The person who could and should make sure Pam is safe, sadly, is not interested in doing so. I'm racking my brain on how to best proceed, but it's not easy. In the best case, she has some kind of parole against her already, and you/someone can prove that she is violating it, so she gets taken in for a few days. That may calm her down... or not.

From a totally objective distant POV she needs psychiatric help, badly. In a clinic I mean. She is going to hurt either someone else or herself (or pretend to do so).

The fact that some of the players are with the police does make this a very very complicated situation. I'll keep thinking, but so far I'm not getting anywhere. (except finding more indirect proof she probably indeed tried to hurt a dog when she said she tried to save him )

Phone calls have stopped. I neglected to mention on the Friday before Christmas the phone rang while my brother, SIL and niece were here. I had told them about the calls, so B answered and said “hey skank, we know it’s you”. There was a gasped intake of breath followed by a couple of heavy breaths before the phone clunked down. With the Lilith linked to her very clearly in the photo I sent to DB and the phone confrontation I think both those methods will cease. I remain hopeful she will just leave me alone and try to focus on staying “sane” for him.

Meanwhile he continues to contact me every day in one form or another, phone, visits, email or messenger. Yesterday visited and talked about de cluttering the house as if he is moving back. I just remain silent now. It’s pointless to say anything, I can see he is spiraling downwards mentally, his weight has gone up and none of it is my concern. I just have to remain focussed on how I can make ends meet, not easy when I’m not really supposed to be working and I’m now contemplating increasing my hours. Even though work asked me to formally increase to 4 days while I was ill, I hadn’t pursued it, perhaps I need to now.

Dentist this afternoon, feeling quite nervous even though it is only a clean and scale and consult for orthodontics. My jaw problem makes it hard to hold my mouth open for prolonged periods. So even a clean and scale presents with pain.

I’ve lost a lot of weight and can’t seem to find an appetite, I force myself to eat and sometimes feel quite ill afterwards. But I know this will pass. Such a shame when the painting began I gave away all my “skinny” thinking I would never fit in them again, big mistake... luckily I kept some favourite items.

Pam,
Appreciate keeping us informed; we care. Just wish there was something/some way to help.

Are there any thoughts of selling the house? Hopefully, if you did, there would be extra money to help you stay ahead of the expenses.

Gerry