I am going to be 21 in a couple of months and have been dealing with anxiety my whole life, and depression since I was about 11 or 12. I always just assumed it was teenage angst and emotion and over the years it seemed to just slowly worsen.
When I was 15 I began dating a guy who ended up being physically, sexually and severely emotionally abusive. When we broke up, 3 years later, it was messy, emotionally tolling, and very stressful. That was 2 1/2 years ago. I had night terrors for years and to this day I struggle with jumping at sudden movements, panic attacks in any small confrontation, and difficulty finding myself "in the mood" with my current boyfriend. After breaking up with him, we found out I was pregnant and I terminated the pregnancy because I was rapidly losing weight due to physical and emotional stress and was in physical danger. This is been a difficult thing to deal with, even though I was absolutely sure it was the right choice.
I have dealt with the normal routine of having depression; the sudden ups and downs, trouble eating right, sleeping way too much, seemingly uncontrollable outbursts. But none of that could've prepared me for what happened June 20, 2018. I moved out of town 2 years ago and am in my hometown every weekend to visit my friends and boyfriend. That evening, I received a phone call from my boyfriend that my best friend had accidentally overdosed and was found that morning. His service was beautiful, I have messages from just days before from my best friend telling me he was proud of me and loved me, we released butterflies at his funeral, and I have been keeping in touch with his mom and other close friends. The problem is, he and I only ever really confided in eachother in times of need and now that I'm in my time of need, he isn't here. It's really difficult and I know its a grieving PROCESS but I need some help.
I am really just looking for some guidance on methods of overcoming depression and anxiety, and if possible some experience on grieving a very close loved one. ANY SUGGESTIONS HELP. Thank you so much.