Do most of you take someone with you when you have an MRI test or any other test done at the hostpital?

I have an MRI/ENG test tomorrow first thing in the morning. Both tests are back to back within an hour apart. The last MRI I had done my DH went with me. He usually doesn't attend any of the neuro appointments. However, I've been having so much vertigo/nausea lately that I'm almost afraid to drive.

When I asked my DH if he would go with me to the tests, thinking he actually would go, I was shocked that he said no. He didn't think that it was any big deal. My brother-in-law who has severe medical issues, and has MRI's done a few times a year- my sister takes him to his MRI's, etc. - no questions asked.
Am I expecting too much out of my DH? I asked him why he wouldn't go and the thing that upsets me most was his answer- "It would be a waste of my time"- ugh! He told me that he could be in meetings making more use of 'that time' verses sitting in a waiting room while I was getting tested. However, he can't seem to quite fathom how severe the dizziness is that I have!!!

Then what is more agravating is he gripes at me when I am laying down most of the day or go to bed early due to feeling so miserable or can't go do a lot of things lately and puts the guilt trip on me. So caring and empathetic. ARGH! I've tried to talk to him about how he is treating me and he 'claims he is understanding' but just does not get it at all. Is this normal?

Please help!

Coffeegirl

I'm sorry you are feeling abandoned Coffeegirl. I can't say what is normal...everybody has a different path and everybody has their own relationships that will be different than yours. I do drive myself to my annual MRIs, but I don't have vertigo/nausea problems as part of my MS. I am pretty sure my wife would be willing to drive me and wait if I asked her to, but I might have to work with her schedule a bit when setting up my appt.

Would it be possible to take a cab or use public transportation to avoid having to drive yourself? I sense that maybe the transportation thing is just the tip of the iceberg for you though and I don't really know how to help you get through to DH.

All I can do is caution you not to take the anger and resentment you are feeling and start viewing his every action through the lens of those feelings. It can make simple actions and words seem like alot more when they are viewed through a veil of resentment. It could be that he is just selfish and you are fiding that out when you need him, or there could be other hidden stresses causing him to act that way.

It could be that he feels pressure to make sure he keeps his job if your MS is making you unable to work (or could in the future). I have been in situations where I was feeling alot of pressure at work and knew I needed to put in extra hours and work extra hard to make sure I wasn't on the block for layoffs. I never talked to my wife about it because I knew it would stress her out too. It wasn't until I found out she thought I was unhappy with her that I figured out that bottling up the stress and pressure had led me to treat her differently and she misunderstood the cause.

Sorry you are going through this and wish we could help more...

Coffeegirl,I took myself off to my only MRI knowing what my diagnosis would be. The time I had alone after the words were out there was good for me and allowed me to collect myself before coming home (and opening the wine).
I'm glad Himself didn't come and it wouldn't bother me if he never came with. Personally, I feel that my problems are mine and I don't share much with him.
If I need to lie down, I find alone time. When he's around I try my best to be 'normal'. It's not like I hide stuff, but I don't talk about it. I really try not to harp on about this and that. I want to remain his partner; not become a list of issues.
I feel he's under a lot of pressure to provide for me though it's true what he says, he'd have to work anyway, and the 'burden' of me not working doesn't really affect him.

I think men deal with stuff differently. Fear, anger, denial, bargaining and acceptance happens to everyone around the diagnosed person too. It's not all about me.

If you're able to hold your head high, overcome the vertigo, be strong, make arrangements, carry off the MRI as if it's no biggie, come home 'happy' and cope with it all, perhaps your husband will 'see' you differently, as being able to cope, the pressure lifts off him and suddenly he'll want to know little bits and pieces, in his own time.
Be yourself, be strong, but don't be a MonSter victim. You're bigger than the elephant in the room.
He'll come round...

DH should take you, if you want him to....simple as that, the jerk..

I sympathize with you Coffegirl. When I was diagnosed I had gone down to the neuro lab at the hospital for my brand new neuro to do an ENG. Afterwards she told me she would be up in my room in about 30 minutes. So I got up in my room, my whole fam was there. Oldest daughter had come from college, parents were there with my husband. So he immediatley leaves!!!!!!! He has never met my neuro. He says that he married me in sickness and in health, asks about my appointments when I get home, makes sure I take my meds. He worked longer than he wanted to at a job he didn't like just because they had great health benefits.

It's just that the physical hugs, going to appointments aren't there. So I take what he will give me. He was brought up in an emotional void of a family and I was brought up in a total opposite--'your problem is mine and what can we do to make it better type atmosphere'.

I know he loves me and takes care of me. He makes sure I have an electric scooter or my wh/ch when we go on a trip and he is the first to tell me to take it easy. He just handles it an a different way. I'm just glad I have no problems at all in driving and can drive myself to my own MRIs.

Hi coffeegirl,
No two people are alike. Be it men or women. We all handle things different in our own way. Which is good and bad.

I think it would be great if he would drive you, but since he is not, I vote to take public transportation. Like car service, or a taxi.

Even call a friend, and offer lunch to that person. Going to MRI's is not a big thing, if you are able to, but when you have Vertigo or dizzy and nauseas, then I think your husband should drive you.

So let him pay for it in cash. Good luck to you.

Wow, you all have given such diverse replies. So much to think about and all of your posts really made me think about things from various perspectives and angles.

You will find this odd, just as I did. Last night, right at nine o'clock, when our sons go to bed. My DH says to me-"Would you like me to drive you tomorrow to your appointment?". I just about fell over! I asked him what changed his mind. He told me that he watched me all evening then realized he didn't realize I was that sick with the vertigo. He was worried about me driving.

We got the boys up with us, very early. He drove me to the appointment and then drove the boys back to our suburb and took them to school. He went to his job to attend a meeting for a short while and then met me at the ENG appointment. Then he drove me home.

After today I realized I have expected too much from my family. Everyone handles things differently, like a few of you mentioned. That is what I needed to be reminded of during this adventure.

The ENG test results won't be back for 3 weeks. The person who took the test told me that the doctor who reads the results actually keeps the test results on his desk for that long and just is lazy about reading them! She told me to call every single day til he reads them and be persistant, including with the MRI reading. That is sad how doctors go about reading tests results.

Thank you all for listening and for setting me straight. I needed a kick in the kaboose!

Coffeegirl

Glad your husband really looked at you. It may alos help your kids if they see Dad doing things.