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10-22-2010, 12:54 AM
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Junior Member
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I am going to try not to make this another long post but I am reaching the end of my rope and need some feedback.
I always joked that I suffer from "terminal lack of respect". The truth is that is really IS NOT a joke. I have been in therapy more than 1/2 my life and we can SERIOUSLY trace back to earliest memory where I was disrespected (usually other people's feelings & needs being put before mine). I could write a book on that but I won't. There is a woman in my 12-step group that has a history of befriending people then suddenly without provocation turning on people. She did this to me. Then like a grade school playground people took sides; some people stayed friends with her others stayed friends with me (yes we are all adults) bottom line was that I was treated really badly by people that were formally my friends because of this womans craziness. There was 1 man who was my friend ONLY when this woman was not around & when she was around he either IGNORED ME or ACTED STUPID showing off for her. It ENDED when BEING STUPID he HIT MY DOG. He later said he was kidding. I let him know it was a FELONY to hit or try to hit a Service Dog & the next time I would call the cops. I moved 10 months ago I deal with 5 different departments in Social Services. ALL these departments were notified NUMEROUS TIMES of my move starting 3 MONTHS BEFORE the move date. NO ONE CHANGED MY ADDRESS IN THE SYSTEM. This resulted in my loss of food stamps (temporarily) among other things. Even when the ADDRESS CORRECTION was put on the food stamp recertification THEY DID NOT CHANGE IT IN THE SYSTEM. Then they sent me a new benefits card NOT to my last address but THE ADDRESS BEFORE. Now they had returned mail from 2 ADDRESSES. THEY FROZE MY BENEFITS CARD. I had to go to Social Services in person to correct this. The law says NO ONE CAN REQUIRE SOMEONE TO SHOW PROOF THERE DOG IS A SERVICE DOG. They can ONLY ASK 2 questions: 1) Is the dog necessary for medical or psychiatric reasons 2) What tasks can the dog perform Well the POLICE work at Social Service in my county. They DEMANDED PROOF for my Service Dog which I DID NOT have with me. She WAS wearing a vest. I stated the law to them & the FACT they COULD NOT by law request proof. Long story short when it was all over I WAS PHYSICALLY ASSAULTED BY 2 POLICE OFFICERS; the DA has the case. After all of this MY ADDRESS STILL WAS NOT CHANGED IN THE SYSTEM. This is typical of how my life goes... I have a PCA 49 hours a week. I had 1 woman who worked just on Saturday's but she left when she went full time on her weekday job & Nancy works the other 6 days, 7 hours a day (maximum allowed). Nancy began working for me years ago thru an agency. The agency was not treating either one of right & she was going to QUIT. I then became part of the CDPAP Program which allows me to hire my own PCA's. Nancy quit the agency & works for me thru CDPAP. Over the years Nancy & I became really good friends & my Service Dog adores her. One of things that attracted me to Nancy and made me so willing to hire her in CDPAP Program was she took such good care of me and my space. Up until 10 months ago when I moved in with my mom Nancy took care of a 1 bedroom apartment. Now she needs to take care of 1 bedroom and anything I use in the "common" areas & OF COURSE "ME". However, Nancy is getting very complacent. She has the same hours and less space to care for (her big job is me & I try to do many things myself) SHE DOESN'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING and I FEEL DISRESPECTED BY HER. I TRY to work with her and NOT overwork her but NOTHING I DO HELPS. I TRIED TALKING TO HER - NO CHANGE. A few weeks ago she had an issue with her daughter in North Carolina. She asked for Friday off but ASSURED ME that she would return on SUNDAY. She called me on Friday, it was late in the afternoon & she was just starting her trip. She still said she would be in on Sunday but would call me on Saturday & let me know for sure. Saturday she DID NOT call. Sunday she DID NOT come to work. She is here EVERY DAY (except Saturday) by 7:30 UNLESS she calls to tell me differently. Monday, 7:30 NO NANCY, 7:45 NO NANCY, 8:00 NO NANCY, she wanders in about 8:20 as though NOTHING IS WRONG. We ended up having a BIG ARGUMENT & SHE LEFT. I sent her an email & said I DID want her to work her but I wanted the "old" Nancy back. I pointed out how she COMPLAINS because she doesn't like to do laundry, she REFUSES to vacuum because she DOES NOT like the way the vacuum works, she NEVER dusts UNLESS I tell her to. Before her unplanned vacation she DID NOT empty the bathroom garbage for 2 days & she ONLY did it then because I said something. In regard to the garbage can, I had several dirty diapers (in bags) she didn't empty it by the end of day 2 there was NO MORE ROOM in the garbage can & that is when I said something. She DID empty it but when I told her she said she would do it when she finished her computer game. On Monday night I had a bed wetting accident & the sheets got wet. She got MAD AT ME because of the mess & having to change the sheets 2x in 1 week. She DID NOT clean the bed sufficently & it still STINKS. I DO NOT have many outside jackets. Today I was going to wear a jogging suit. I told her the jacket I normally wear could go in the closet. This evening I went in the closet for something & saw the arm of this jacket hanging out of the hamper. I took the jacket out which now was wrinkled & smelled pissy from the other laundry. It was easier to throw it in the hamper than hang it up. I was so proud of a display of a favorite actor I made on top of a bookcase the other day. The display is now ruined because anything she found that she did not want to put away or did not want to ask me where it went she thru it on top of the display. I came home about 7 pm this evening (she was gone by this time) & I was tired. I got my coffee & sat down to rest & check email. My Service Dog was crying & just not acting herself. She WAS NOT signaling me as if something was wrong & I DID NOT know what was wrong. Finally I see her favorite toy on top of the radiator, out of her reach, obviously Nancy threw it there. I use ADAPTIVE UTENSILS, the kind I use are EXPENSIVE & HARD TO OBTAIN. One evening I had ice cream, it was the end of the container so I ate from the container then left the empty container with my adaptive spoon in it on my night stand. NANCY THREW OUT THE CONTAINER AND THE SPOON. Though she says SHE WILL REPLACE IT she wants me to pay for it & she will reimburse me. I DO NOT have the money to lay out. This is just a SAMPLE of STUPID or INCONSIDERATE THINGS Nancy DOES or DOESN'T DO. Before I moved in with my mom she & I had a long talk about my need for a PCA. After all this is her home & how would she feel having someone here so many hours a week. My mom knew Nancy & got to know her better before the move & AGREED that it was OK. Mom THINKS that Nancy & I can work things out but I have TRIED talking to her, I TRIED emailing her & HER DISRESPECT JUST INCREASES DAILY. Mom is going to be 80 in December she CANNOT provide the kind of care I require 24/7. If I FIRE Nancy I DO NOT know of anyone else PERSONALLY that I can hire thru the CDPAP Program which would mean I would have to go back to using an AGENCY. When you work with an AGENCY you never know who you will get & because the pay IS NOT good you OFTEN DO NOT GET GOOD ONES. (Been there/ done that). Mom IS NOT comfortable having someone that she DOES NOT know coming in her house every day & wants Nancy to stay. What is happening is that EVERY MORNING I face some DISRESPECT from Nancy that sets my tone for the WHOLE DAY. This morning when she came in I had the 70's Music Channel on TV, Nancy DID NOT like it & OPENLY COMPLAINED. Next thing she is on her computer listening to stuff that has LOUD MUSIC. When I said something she said it sounded better than my (explicative). By the time I went to my van & a construction worker kept getting too close to me with the forklift I OVERREACTED to him because I was so ANGRY at having just put up with Nancy's disrespect. My point in the earlier part of this post is it seems CONSTANT. If it IS NOT Nancy disrespecting me, it is the overzealous construction worker with the forklift or the police at Social Services or Social Services in General. I feel as though there is something about me that people sort of sense or whatever that says "NO NEED TO RESPECT PEG". As the MS consumes more of my bodily functions I need to rely more & more on others to get my needs met & I ALWAYS hesitate to ask for help because I DON'T WANT TO BE DISRESPECTED. Even when I asked the MS Society to find out about a Support Group for me they procrastinated so long that 3 weeks into the 8 week group they said "oh yeah you can join" @ that point - why bother? My entire life I NEVER had a best friend or many friends for that matter. Part of this was because of my home life but what always seemed to happen is I would fall into a group of established friends & they would accept me more as a pet than a peer. I am going to 49 years old next month. I am tired of being disrespected & treated badly by people. As long as I could manage independently despite the MS I could avoid asking for help but it is to the point I cannot do that anymore. I guess I am just tired. It has been a long day. Starting with Nancy then when I came home I had a letter waiting for me from the condo board admonishing me for yelling @ their construction worker. He drove right on top of me while I was putting the dog in the car then when I said something he asked me if I had tourettes or something. I DON'T KNOW. Can lack of respect be terminal? If it can I am reaching my final days. I have been crying for hours because I have just had enough.  Sorry for rambling but maybe someone can share their experiences or tell me what I am doing wrong in life. 
__________________
"OUR LIVES BEGIN TO END, THE DAY WE BECOME SILENT ABOUT THINGS THAT MATTER" |
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