Gosh Dej, I feel really guilty now. Today is our meeting and I decided I just couldn't be bothered going. My bad! Our meets are monthly and I used to go every month if I was well, but lately I have become apathetic about it.

When we lived in a different state, my hubby were really involved and worked hard to help the group make money which was given back to the MSers in our area (providing equipment, medications, repairs, etc), but since moving I just can't raise the same enthusiasm.

I put it down to several things, like the different personalities. The group is small (about 8-15 people) and there's always one who moans and complains, nothing ever pleases her. There's one who knows everything and talks over the rest of us, and there's one who's always saying something smutty ... you get the picture?

Also, this group won't do anything for themselves. While our group (in the other state) was smaller than this one, it was very active helping each other by raising money, this group refuses. They want the Govt. and the public to donate everything as they believe it's owed to them because they have an incurable disease.

I guess that's why I have become disallusioned, and it is a shame to have good speakers arrive and have few people to listen to them but it's always a select few who decide who's to be invited to speak, and who isn't. Does that happen with your group? Does everyone get an equal say?

If none of my reasons apply, then can I suggest a social meeting? No guest speakers, no stress.

Rather than the room/hall or whatever place you have the usual meetings, may I suggest that you have a meet in a park with a barbeque, at some-one's home and everyone bring a plate, or anything else along those lines? Send out invitations to all on the list and ask for an RSVP.

Then, have coffee and something to eat and before people leave, have the meeting. Ask for suggestions on how to get people interested again? You could even ask those invited to suggest one thing each if they can, without puting them under any pressure if they decline to do so. Maybe this simple change (and it might or might not be, a one off thing) would be less threatening, especially if there's a good reason why the number's have dropped off.

That's all at the moment, but I'll add anything else I think of later.

I live over 60 miles from a town that has a support group. I have always wished I could go....but now I'm thinking maybe I'm not missing out! It seems like a hard thing and I surely don't know the answer. It seems like there are as many different support needs for each person are there are different symptoms.

I do admire you for trying your best to help keep it going...but please don't let it cause you more stress than it is worth for you. You certainly don't need extra stress. I know it took me years of exhaustion (before I even knew I had MS) to finally learn it was okay to use that nastly two letter word..."NO". You can only do so much and you can only worry so much!

Here is a big for you. I can feel your frustration! Hang in there...or don't!!! (The meetings I mean!)

Let us know how it goes.

OMG you hit the nail on the head! not only the earlier part about one whining and one that knows it all, and one who is smutty, but the fact that the folks in my group feel and act so powerless.

We spoke about getting a yoga person to come and teach yoga, but the crowd complained that if they continue to do yoga the classes cost money that isnt covered by medicaid. They want PT or OT or massages that are covered. When I mentioned fund raising you would have thought I brought up mass murder. I spoke about maybe calling some local legislators to give opinions (dont care which way) on some hot topics in our corner of the state (medical MJ) or (clean air action days making riding the local buses free) and not one wanted to even pick up the phone.

What happened to trying to help yourself? Since when is being accepted into state services an excuse to give up, sit home and eat ring dings? They dont want to hear about nutrition because they believe the foods being spoken about are not covered by food stamps. Of course food is covered! They dont want anyone taking away their diet soda or mc rib diet, cause we all know that losing weight is too hard if you are sick.

When I mentioned that losing weight and feeling better with small amounts of exercise would help many be able to cut back on their insulin I was blasted with the "dont you realize we are sick!" comments.

I guess after some reflection on why this group bothers me so much, I have seen several issues that have hit the nail squarely on the head. Its hard to help people who dont want to help themselves. I gave up on my family for many of the exact same issues, and yet here I find myself once a month sitting in the middle of a group with the same attitudes and ideas that I refused to accept from family. *sigh*

Maybe I just dont feel kinship to 99% of the folks that when they do come, only come for the handouts. They are furious if they dont have a fatty snack and a bucket of coffee at the meeting. I too have MS, but I want to get up! I want to fight! i want to work out what I can work out. I want to know about things that can make this better, even if it means some work on my part. MS is incurable, but that doesnt mean you sit down in your chair and sink with the ship, does it?

Maybe its me.

I admit...I'm not a big fan of "in person" support groups. I'm not anti-social.......but it's a big energy zapper to actually go to one of these meetings only to find that the ones there are only there to complain about everything that isn't just to their liking. The location is bad.....the food isn't good enough.....the speaker doesn't talk loud enough.....or talks to loud......the parking is bad......etc. At some point, MS or not, people just have to realize that everything is not about them! I hope that doesn't sound callous or cold but c'mon people.......if you look hard enough you can find something good! That's the main reason I stopped going......even if I did only give it a few tries. It's just too exhausting to be around such negativity. If I'm going to expend the energy to go out I at least want to have fun.

Maybe if MS wasn't the main focal point......just meet to be social and get together with friends who understand if you don't want to hit the dance floor or if you spend 20 minutes in the ladies room just to wee wee!

When I was dxed the 2nd time in 1993, I met a friend who headed a support group. I loved it, no one biotched, everyone was up beat and so helpful to newbys. We had parties and stuff too.

I stopped going when the local NMSS office moved to Cincinnati and the dynamics and support from NMSS dropped off.

My friend stopped heading it and then she too, stopped attending. I blame NMSS for that failure..the turds..

Anyway, just like coming here, it's hard sometimes to talk about our MS and that's why we have the Stumble Inn, so we can just have fun. So the social meeting may work better, for the P2P thing, IMHO.

IMHO, support groups are whine festivals...unless they have a specific issue at each meeting, someone ends up taking over and talking ad nauseum about the first twitch they had, and tells every symptom up until that moment.

I've tried one for incest survivors, and one for fibro patients, and both were serving whine but no cheese

You have to do what is best for YOU, Dej...sometimes you have to just let go...no matter who is hurt/insulted, etc...

A study (for what that's worth to anyone) found support groups can bring people down rather than being helpful. I think I would not like them and have never gone to one.

I found this to be true with the bereavement group I joined after my DH passed away. I left feeling worse than I did when I got there. After a while it was apparent that this type of "support" was not helping me. I think the same holds true for any type of support group. If you aren't getting any benefit from it then it's time to move on.