I don't wanna talk about it...

After a long and very tiring day today (I overdid it majorly) I realize that I have precious little tolerance for "drama" anymore. I don't know if that's just an aging thing or an MS thing or maybe a little of both!

(((((Kelly)))))....Whuh happened, dear?

Well, I had to take Panda to the vet yesterday morning. She's fine now but I really wasn't expecting to have to take her. I also had a doctor's appointment myself in the afternoon and I didn't get to take my nap (wah...wah...).

There was a woman at the vets office that was so loud and obnoxious. She even scared the little cat that was in the adoption cage in the waiting room. She would not lower her voice and was trying to get attention. She kept complaining about everything under the sun and there was nowhere for any of us to escape to! Ugh.....stressed me out for the whole day! By the time I got home from my own appointment later in the afternoon I was exhausted.

But I'm fine now..........

Wearing thigh high fishing boots that are too tight and filled with cold water and sand. And they never come off

You got a pair of those, too!!? I hate mine and will give them to anyone who'll take them.

It feels like I'm 95 years old.

Tightness in legs and back that occasionally will lock up and cause agonizing pain...otherwise, tightness and an achiness. Think of being on a rack and having someone stick a blazing hot poker in your muscles at the same time they're stretched to a painful place...
cognitive problems that are increasing...makes me sad...think of the foginess when doing math you just don't get...and when you have a black out during a test...that's my brain function.
Bladder probs...it's a race between my 87 yr. old MIL and me to who needs to get to the bathroom quicker...and bowel problems too...which are disgusting...
Neuropathic pain that takes my breath away...put a short-wired lamp in your hand, turn it on and leave your hand on it while it sends electricity into your hand.
And fatigue...I hate it when I say I've got MS fatigue issues going on, and someone says, "I know how you feel...I've been exhausted."
No, you don't know how I feel...it's the most bone-crushing, noodle-legged feeling in the world. When I fall asleep at the dinner table, my kids know I'm MS fatigued and send me to bed.

Heat-no, it's not just I'm sweating...I see the sidewalk turn on a 90 degree angle...my vision goes darker so it seems that someone just left the shade up a crack to leave shadows...I feel like my legs are wet noodles...and everything seems "not right".

Stupid disease...

It feels like****.

What MS feels like for me...

The fatigue causes me to fee like I'm trying to walk in 4 ft of the thickest mud.

My brain feels like someone put a set of jumper cables in my brain and are on the other end revving the engine up. It's very electrical and painful. Or sometimes it feels like somehow this lightning bolt got in my head and it's frantically trying to find it's way out and can't.

The spasticity in my back muscles feels like there are two sets of strings, one on each side of my spinal cord, that are being pulled as tight as they can causing all of my muscles to clench up.

The neuropathy in my arms/calves feels like someone is stabbing me with a pair of rusty stainless steel scissors and tearing them back and forth up and down.

The vertigo (while sleeping) feels like I am on a rollercoaster ride from hell and my brain can't stop flipping around in my skull until I wake up, sit up, and catch my bearings.

The cognitive issues make me feel like I need to be locked up in a psych ward or that I am on some serious trippy drugs. Like I'm stuck in a bad trip and there's no getting out.

I hate driving to a destination and completely forget on the drive where I am driving to, causes a very panic[y] like feeling which is so not cool.

Sometimes my eyes do the tunnel vision thing. or sometimes everything has fog over it, or sometimes I randomly lose all eyesight for 1-2 minutes, that's creepy.

Sometimes MS manipulates my brain and makes me really mean and angry and hateful. Sometimes it makes me want to break down and cry.

All in all. What MS feels like to me is a big fat ugly painful electrical hemorrhoid. yeah. I said it.