I hate the "what if" game. It is hard to think about the unknown.

As with everything, you will deal with whatever happens. I am sure that twenty years ago, if you had any idea that your arm/leg were going to stop working, you would have played the "what if" game and wonder how you are coping with what MS has done so far.

"What if" I had never had MS and never visited this forum? I would have had less character because I would not have known you and learned about you.

I know if I play the "what if" game, I might hear the bus coming to get one of us, but sometimes thoughts that ought not creep in, if only for a second. But it feels so long. I do know worry never helps anything.

I do OK, but sometimes I feel cruddy and aren't very strong it seems for awhile.

I have a little cry about every other day about the fear of losing my independence. It's a short fleeting cry and don't wallow in it.

I believe that God will give me the strength to carry on, as is, for as long as I'm needed. All I can do is pray for his strength and guidance every day.

I so hear you, Kicky..

Aarcyn, you'd always be a character!!

Kicker,

I am so sorry you are dealing with all of these circumstances, yet adding even more stress to yourself by spending valuable time worrying about the other shoe dropping, when there may only have been one shoe in the box.

I understand, appreciate, empathize, and sympathize with what you are experiencing. But ask yourself the question, "Is this the way I want to live?" Your points are valid and your questions are valid, but are they currently relative to making the best of your time now?

Over medication seems like a good idea, even for a short-term fix as I've been there and done that with the exact same results. Those results I have coined the phrase as a "Dyson" moments. (Dyson is the strongest vacuum cleaner on the market today, therefor it is at the top of the "sucking" food chain, right?)

We all play the "what if" game in our heads at different times, levels, and intensities so you are not alone there. It's at what point do WE choose to draw the line and stop giving the "what if" questions permission to have such power over our lives? I've tried to limit my "what if" days to maybe three or four a month. I realize they make to difference to me in reality, but it does actually feel better to recognize and experience it just to relieve that pressure. It and you are not "un-normal" as a result. It's just another facet of chronic illness we all must deal with on our own terms.

Kicker, you are a strong person, been around here helping other people for a long time. Keep having "what if" days, just consider limiting them to specific time periods and then forget about it. This is only my suggestion because I don't know if there really is a true answer to that part of our concerns from being chronically ill.

Hey Kicker...I know that fear as well. I was acutely aware of that fear after I stepped off that curb and broke both ankles. The little voice said "its getting worse".

As for the pain. I've used Vicodan for over 20 years. I take the least amount necessary to ease the pain. If I need a boost, I add some advil or something. Its always worked for me if I use just the right amount.

Try not to be afraid of the dark. We don't know whats around the corner. Could be a cure. Could be more symptoms. Could be death. But we don't know. Stay in the moment and push back a little. Or alot. But the day to day journey is full of gifts and challenges. I try to enjoy them both.

You are not alone.

the what if's can be very draining and creates more fear.
tho i understand how you would feel. and, i'm sorry you're going thru it.

to get mental control back you might try thinking of a plan of action.
what if my pain became unmanageable? what if i couldn't get up one day?
then think of solutions, whether it's a phone call to a dr, a medication, a mobility aid...you get my drift.

that always helps me feel more in control and i can let the thought go.