Hi, Sessa

I agree with what the others have said. I was diagnosed about 7 years ago, and I guess I've come to terms with it as much as anybody comes to terms with a chronic illness that seems to thrive on catching you off guard!

I haven't had any new symptoms for a long time. The same old ones will wax and wane, or disappear altogether for a while. Then, if I'm stressed, or ill, or for no reason at all, BAM!

Then I do what you do: freak myself out, get a little bummed, have a good cry, talk with somebody (in "real" life or on here) and then I'm good for a while.

I've had symptoms for probably 10-12 years. I still walk (though use a cane when out and about, and a rollator when I go for walks), I still drive, I still can thread a needle, and MOST of my symptoms wouldn't be noticed by someone who doesn't know me really well.

My dad had MS for nearly 40 years, can't remember exactly. When he died a few weeks before his 80th birthday (of emphysema), he was still getting up and down stairs under his own steam, still reading, still following the stock market, and again, only people who knew him really well even realized he had MS.

I realize that this stinkin' disease can turn on a dime, but I try to focus on the better outcomes while I (try to) prepare myself for the worst. It's tricky ground, but Sessa, you've come to a good place here at NeuroTalk. We're all in this together!!

Don't beat yourself up. Its all part of the mourning process. Its hard dealing with the loss of who we used to be.
My mother had scleroderma which has a death sentence attached to it. She told me she was sitting in a doctors office and saw a 'cartoon' on the wall showing a man in boat desperately trying to bail out the water in his sinking boat. He is looking up to heaven exclaiming "God, why me!" In the next caption God booms back, "Why not you".
She said that stupid little cartoon made her really think and come to grips with the future she had to face.
Mom's attitude turned on a dime and luckily she beat the odds and lived FAR more years than she was suppose to. On a bad day, I think of the 'cartoon' story she told me so many years ago. It has actually helped me to pick myself up and get through the bad days.

How funny! Not what you are going through but I was going to post a thread this morning about something similar. I was dx in 2006 and have experienced this pattern over and over. I go through times where I feel really good and almost normal and then BAM! I get slammed down with symptoms. That slam can throw me for a loop. I get frustrated and angry and sad and all sorts of things. Last week, I had a pretty good week. This week is not starting out that way and this morning I just was having a small pity party feeling the same things you are describing - trapped in my own body and no where to run to.

So, yes, I think most of go through this. Hang in there! You're not alone.

what you're feeling is normal for having MS.
i also remember dealing with lots of emotions. you feel like you've lost control.
and i like being in control.

i don't think about the future and the what ifs. it may never happen and it takes too much energy. i just try to live in the here and now and take 1 day at a time. it's ok to grieve for anything you've lost. just getting the diagnosis is a blow.

and coming here to talk to us is very helpful. i'm glad you have family support too.

I've begun to visualize MS as similar to being on a sailboat...at times it's a wonderful, smooth ride...then choppy waters and storms come, followed by more smooth sailing.

When I was first dxd, I was relieved to get an answer. Then, when the first shipment of Copaxone arrived, I opened the box, saw the syringes, and sobbed. It became all too real.

I go through times such as you are...I have a boo hoo session, feel sorry for myself, then dust myself off and get up and fight on...

It helps to have the support of family and places like this to get hugs...

And as for the picture described, I always ask myself, why not me? I am no more important, and thus not immune to the slings and arrows of life, than anyone else on this planet.
Every human has a story...I think of the hungry children around the world, the war zones, so much misery...this is not heaven...it's Earth...very imperfect...

DebbieD, thank you for your post. For some reason, it made me feel better/stronger.

Thank you Debbie

As I read your post I was feeling sorry for myself that walking has become a painful chore, not an automatic reaction. Your comment cast a whole new light on things.

Really???? I just need to quit bitching and remember, as always, that there are others who have life so much worse than me.

Cheers

Lyn