[barb02]

Five years ago today I was dx with MS. I remember getting a phone call from the clinic that my pcp wanted to see me. I took one of my best friends with me and we met in his office. I was actually relieved that I did not have a brain tumor and was laughing at the pictures of my skull and brain. You see, the only two people (guys) I knew with MS seemed to be in pretty good shape. They lead fairly active lives, one is still teaching, and travel a lot. Neither used a cane, and still do not. However over time I began to realize that they just did not talk about ms to other people. They now discuss it with me. I have learned not to make assumptions about a person's health because of the way I think they look. When I aske my neuro what my proabable prognosis was, he told me that I had proabably had MS for about 10 years and we would see how I was in five years. So the fives years are up and I still want to know my prognosis

I no longer think about ms every day or lay in bed every night thinking about what is going to happen in the future. (I still do some nights). My MS has been relatively stable. I needed to use a cane when I was dx and I still use the cane when I go out. I have had a girding feeling (ms hug) in my left rib cage and back since day one and it is still there. Some days the pain is worse than others. Others symptoms come and go.

I think I am mentally stronger than I was when I was dx. I have tried to financially plan for the future, but I know that all of my savings could be wiped out if I need extensive care in the future. I am retiring (graduating) from my job as a university professor in a few weeks. I still worry at times about everything, but I know that worrying is not really going to help or change my future.

Sorry for the long post. I was just feeling reflective this morning.