[Blessings2You]

I'm so not surprised that MSers get accused (at least behind our backs) of being malingerers. I always thought a malingerer was somebody who made things up, but it's technically someone who fabricates OR EXAGGERATES symptoms for secondary gain--often attention, sympathy, etc.

Now I know a couple of people (non-MSers) that I would define that way. One is even a good friend. She never has a bruise, she has a very serious deep contusion. She has excrutiating headaches, violent nausea, horrible and non-ceasing vertigo that may necessitate a trip to the ER...

Have I ever done that? Maybe. I might have said "degenerative joint disease" on purpose instead of "arthritis" so I'd be taken more seriously.

Anyway, my point is, when I look at my laundry list of symptoms it occurs to me that someone could easily think me a malingerer. Between MS, arthritis, IBS, and so on...I can just imagine my friends rolling their eyes and thinking, "and what is it THIS time?"

Today, for example, my left ankle is swollen (arthritis) and I have sharp pain (muscle? nerve?) on the top of my foot. I'm having trouble wearing shoes, much less heading off shopping or somewhere.

AND I'm having IBS problems, so there's another GOOD reason to stick close to home.

Every day it's SOMETHING when you add the MS junk--often weird and indescribable) to the physical complications of being 62 and human...hmmm. Not that my life revolves around what other people think, but I do understand why sometimes people think we're malingering. What do you think?

[Dejibo]

I am thought of as guilty by association. my sister is a HUGE faker. If you have a cold, she has pneumonia. If you have a broken leg, she has bone cancer. She lives in the emergency rooms, and MD offices begging for pills, and attention. When I would go visit a local MD they would say "are you related to ..." UGH! NO! I would scream. "yes, you are her sister, no?" UGH!

I moved away from home and it was wonderful to have someone listen to me and want to know what was wrong instead of dismissing me out of the gate.

Lately I think alot of MDs and ERs are worried about accountability of meds and pill poppers so they are quick to look at you funny when you tell them you have any condition.

[Lynn]

Me too - I totally understand what you are saying.

Most of us have a 'cocktail' of ailments. My husband hates it when I lie and tell people I am fine (him too) - when I am seriously not fine - but, the hard reality is, that no matter how supportive people are, they get plain bored if you say you feel like cr@p too often.

What makes it even harder is the 'invisibility' of this disease. If I had a cast on my leg, people would understand and make allowances if my leg hurts and I limp - but I don't have a cast, so it doesn't seem like a real thing to them because they can't see it.

Bottom line is, this is human nature and although it sucks, the only ones who understand are those in the same (or similar) boat.

Lyn

[Kitty]

Sometimes I wonder if people think this of me. I try really hard not to mention my "everyday" symptoms. Even though they are the ones that keep me from doing the things I want to (or used to) do. I just feel like you do, B2Y......that they're saying "what is it today?". But if I just say "no, not today" I always get the response "why? are you not feeling well?". And if I attempt to explain exactly what's bothering me it sounds trivial and whiny.

[SallyC]

Yes B2Y, I am a Malingering pSycho!! Isn't that what MS stands for? Ok, I admit, when I was younger and still, mostly, able, I would use it as an excuse to get out of something I didn't want to do. My bad!

But more times I would be pushing myself to do the very difficult things for my family, that most people just do without thinking. Oh sure, the normal HW & Mom is worn out at the end of the day and doesn't understand how my MSfatigue could be worse..

So yeah, I wish I were just a Malingerer...

[Debbie D]

Huh...thought a malingerer was someone who walked slower than the rest of the group...

I feel as though I am thought of as one of these people with the trips to the ER lately for heart sxs that don't seem to have any cause as far as the heart docs are concerned.
I am always castigated by DH because when I go to the doc, and they ask how I'm doing, I always say "Fine..." then DH tells them the truth...

[marion06095]

When it comes to accusations of malingering, I am my own worst critic. Lately, though, I’ve been trying to cut myself some slack. MS does get me out of doing loads of things that I, coincidentally, would rather not do. But it also keeps me from doing loads of things I would love to do. I have to learn to take the good with the bad, and stop beating myself up about it.

[Jules A]

I rarely get into my stuff with others. They just can't understand and really aren't all that interested so I think it is best to just skip it. Unless it is something that is visible I just say "fine" or "hanging in there" when asked how I am.

I think malingering is more about someone trying to get out of work or life's responsibilities more so than having multiple real or even embelished ailments.

We use it at work when someone is content to hang out on the psych unit for what is called "three hots and a cot" although the truth is there really is a mental illness component to someone who is willing to be dependent and go to such lengths to avoid life.

I really don't think any of us are malingerers in the clinical sense.