Thanks hun I just increased my dose of Topiramate on Wednesday (I ramp up each week until reaching a 'high' next Wednesday). Last evening at 5 pm (I finish work at 6 pm) I took my new dose, and at bedtime it was my 'double whammy' so to speak, so I slept like a kitten, then woke up this morning and in taking my A.M. dose, wowsers. I went through the motions today at work, and I MAY have got through half the contacts they expect us to make in 1 day.

I felt so down on myself for it. I went from finishing Q4 (quarter 4) last year (I work for a bank, for a bit of background/clarification) as 'exceptional' for my performance rating. While this was beyond flattering, as it's extremely rare for someone to obtaining a rating of 'exceptional', all I got out of achieving this was:

- good end of year bonus for Christmas
- burn out with an MS relapse (Optic Neuritis)
- a high expectation, going forward, that I'd maintain this 'exceptional' standard of performance

So yup. I dug my own proverbial career grave, since my manager (current) can tell me until she's blue in the face that she understands MS and how MS is, but she doesn't. She's proven this time and time again.

Rant! Grrrrrrrr!

Today was tough. Seeing 20 contacts instead of 40, like I'd normally see in a day, is frustrating to me because I do work myself hard. Even if I know it's best to relax when I need to and not overdo it. I set my own personal bar too high sometimes.

Coggy Foggy. I don't know if I was buzzed off prescription medication, or what was up today. I'm going to blame the medication for making me real slow earlier. I got a good night's sleep last night. I told DH that my brain wasn't responding to fingers, to hands, to legs, to mouth, etc. Everything was moving slow. Like I was wading through molasses. Or at times I felt like time was moving fast (in my mind) but in actuality movements were going very slow. I was over-focusing on something that in my mind I thought I was doing efficiently!

What a freaking mess!!! All I can do is just laugh, what else is left huh? Vacation Sunday, flying to Florida to go meet up with hubby, traveling up the East Coast together. Will be a nice trip so I'm looking forward to that, will be very nice and relaxing compared to all else I've been through as of late!

I find the ups and downs of the cog-fog to be the most trouble. Its just so unpredictable with respect to severity and length of time it will hang around.

Very thankfully, a fairly severe and constant episode of cognitive dysfunction is lifting and over the last two days I've been able to catch up on some things that were just too difficult to accomplish with the brain's confusion.

Taking Baclofen before bed has helped to releive night spasms so I'm sleeping better and I think that the lack of sleep before taking it was making things worse.

I agree...sometimes we just need to laugh and try to relax with what ever is going on. There have been days when I've woken up, gone to the washrrom and looked in the mirror to find 'someone else' looking back at me.
"Who are you? Oh well...may as well brush your teeth."

Erika

I am one who has severe cognitive dysfunction. I am somewhat better now,but pre diagnosis and the reason for diagnosis I was really bad! Couldnt remember my full name,phone number and all around confusion! It all has somewhat improved. But I still have problems with my short term memory and confusion.. I do have to be checked twice on my thoughts! Not really a care giver,but I still need notes and list to get the through the day..

Laura, I was discussing on another thread the difficulty of going from being an active achiever to running at half speed. I was able to hang on at my job for years because they allowed me to go on 2/3 contract (I was a community college teacher). I had no dx until just after I had to go on disability. As with your employer, no one understood at all, and my situation was as bad as yours, as I had no dx. People thought I was a freak if I went in the lady's room and lay down, or just put my feet up and closed my eyes, but I had to do this to make it through the day. I became a "second class" person because of my needs. And I had to quit suddenly...still without a dx, although the dx came quickly then, and no one even said goodbye. I had inconvenienced them. I am still sad about it,
and about so many things I lost, and having become a widow I am now burdened with that loss as well, and also with grief thinking how much my husband helped me and gave up to be with me.

Thanks for sharing your story. It's really tough. How terrible that no one said goodbye. ... I guess we look at inconveniencing them, but at the same time, we have to look at what we bring or brought to the table, you know? I'm sorry you're still sad about it, but I can understand. That's a lot to have been through.

I wanted to report in. Good news on the cog versus work front. I got my approval for work accommodation after I returned home from being South in Florida (came home with the hubby! Yay!) so I'm working on emails only now, no phone call stress, no incoming / outgoing client phone calls to deal with/try to juggle. I can call my internal service partners to handle my email inquires, which is fine. I have time to formulate thoughts/work on complex situations and work through problems without stressing myself to pieces. I can breathe!!!

Hubby and I had a beautiful drive up the coast, but wow stress at the border! Long story there, I won't get into that here, but he's got his Permanent Residence stuff all set, waiting on his card to arrive in the mail, and his got his Social Insurance Number already so he can work in Canada. Now we have to get his Medicare (Canada health coverage) established. He's covered for prescriptions on my insurance now - which is good, since he's type 1 diabetic and needs his insulin!

Late here, bedtime! Hugs to you all, hope you've been doing well