This is one conversation. Just as MS can change from day to day, maybe another conversation on another day is in order.

You aren't. They are.

IMHO, your family is reacting out of fear. Fear of the unknown.

Like others have said, I wouldn't base how I felt on this one conversation. Some folks just talk a lot......feel the need to let everyone know exactly what they're feeling at any given moment. And others seem to think that everyone else's life revolves around theirs. Double .

If any of their speeches require a reply I would just explain that it's YOU that has this disease and whether they like it or not or agree with your course of action it is what it is. They can either get on board or stay behind.

I'm praying for you, KittyLady. I cannot fathom having to "qualify" myself to anyone.....let alone family.

[QUOTE=Sparky10;914186]This is one conversation. Just as MS can change from day to day, maybe another conversation on another day is in order./QUOTE]

[QUOTE=Kitty;914190]
Like others have said, I wouldn't base how I felt on this one conversation./QUOTE]

Sparky and Kitty, I wish this was the only conversation my dh and I have had like this. This was just the one that really got me so upset. He is always saying that if I dont take the dmd's that Im not trying hard enough to get better. Get better? Really? This isnt cureable. Im not going to wake up one day and be all better! Ive had this for 20yrs, and dh and I have been together for 10yrs. He thinks the old fashioned way that what the man says the wife has to do. Well, Im an 80s girl and we dont roll that way! I didnt speak to him at all for the rest of the night until he went to work. We spoke briefly on his break, but this morning he acts like everything is ok, well its not ok with me. I just dont want to talk to him about it just yet.

Don't you just hate that "do unto others then move forward" attitude? Because he's had his say, the show's supposed to be over.

Having never been in your shoes I don't know how to get him to understand or even consider your side.

You might consider getting the test done to save the peace. You'd like him to change his thought patterns, right? You might change yours some day.

I have no idea what is going through dh's head, but perhaps I can add a little male perspective on this. We are raised from a very young age to take care of women, to provide for them, to assist them whenever possible, and to cherish and nurture them. As much as the idea of the disease progressing scares you or any of us who have this disease, it terrifies him probably even more because it is totally out of his control. MS is something that can hurt you and make your life harder that he cannot change, cannot fix, and cannot cure. That is immensely frustrating to a guy, because we are raised with the idea that we should be able to do all of those things for our wives. We fix things for you...we solve problems...we are there when you need us. Yet with MS, he can't fix it...he can only watch and support you. He is probably terrified of losing you to a disease, terrified of seeing you in pain or unable to do things for yourself, and frustrated at his inability to do anything to change that course.

Now as to how he goes about showing those feelings or discussing your treatment with you, perhaps he isn't great at showing you those feelings, but if he loves you, they are there. When he hears you talk about not taking a recommended med or treatment, he probably feels like you are not doing things that you could to stave off the progression of the disease...which again feeds back into the helplessness he probably feels. So he argues with you to keep taking the meds or to do what the doctor says. I could be totally off, but I have been in a similar situation, and I know those feelings all too well.

I hope maybe you can figure out a way to communicate with him and not have to argue to understand each other. Sorry you are feeling down, and hope maybe getting a different perspective shines a little sunlight into your situation. He loves you...he just has a strange way of expressing it sometimes.

I knew there was a reason why we keep you around TEX. Thank you for your insiteful post..

Tex is right on and as an 80's lady you probably view life fairly similarly- meet a challenge head-on and overcome it. Heck, from very early age we are brought up to think that you fix what needs fixing. When it comes to medical stuff, many of us were brought up to think that modern medicine & its doctors can 'fix what ails ya'. Sadly, some of us will have to learn this is not always true, even doctors have trouble not being able to make the diagnosis & cure

"Acceptance" can be a very bitter pill to swallow. Some of can learn to accept that we can't overcome everything; some of us struggle with not being "in control"; and some of us never quite get to that point. This is a journey with an unknown destination (says a gal who plans out trips, has a GPS, keeps to a schedule and gets nutty if I have to change course midway...)

TX, your post made me cry. I did have another heart to heart with dh and he said almost exactly what you said. He even cried while saying it. He says he hates seeing me in pain and there isnt anything he can do about it. It was good for him to finally tell me what was going on in there. He said what if the pain gets so bad the pills dont help? I said, well I wonder if maryjane is legal here... and we both laughed really hard. A friend of mine with MS does smoke that, and she said seeing as I dont smoke she'd send me some special brownies We both needed a good laugh. Felt good. As for the jc virus test, I will just do it and get it over with. Im used to needles now, no biggie I guess.