Hi...

I have severe depression problems that started with the prednisone.
At this point i dont know how i survive my days. Im lying in bed, anxiously searching obsessivly for stuff on the ipad. My head is exploding and i cant stop crying, i just really dont see the point of living anymore. Im terribly scared my old friend will die, i have weird thoughts, obsessive, anxiety and what more. I dont recognize myself anymore.
I have arthritis, myasthenia gravis, thyroidproblems and they say i have probably ms. One neuro was sure, second was sure i hadnt and third said maybe.

God, im 22 and i stopped living 4 years ago. I am on the couch or on the bed.
Everything hurts, fysically and emotionally.
I never was like this before the prednisone. I take only 22,5 mg a day for over 2 years now and evrythime i try a little less my diseases flare up like fire.

I want to die but, feelong crazy to admit, i dont because my life is so empty, im scared the funeral is so quiet because my social life is non excistend.
I know im being crazy, but i really feel this prednison is messing my brain up. I cant think clearly, im not myseld anymore. I used to be happy and relaxed, even with all the diagnoses and stuff.
Note I also have fysical side effects, diabetes, moonface, striae like tattoos, vomiting blood once a week, etc...

My gp gave me antidepressants (ssri) but im too scared to take them yet. Been to 2 psychiatrists, first said it's too difficult for her because i have multiple diagnoses. The second said, yeah, its prednisone!

What i want to know: if you have been taking Prednisone for a long time and had severe mental side effects, did you become your old you after lowering the dose or quitting? Or did they stay?
I suffer so much