[AfterMyNap]

The pride thread by Chris66 has had me thinking a lot about what makes us want to help others, and what makes us want to refuse help. It's a tough nut to crack and I'm sure we have many unique situations among us.

I recently met a friend whose MS is rearing its ugly head at her in many similar ways as mine does me. I have one speed, slow. My friend is stuck in the creeper gear too, and as often as I refuse help and get annoyed by others who want to help me do things faster, I found myself eager to jump in and help her somehow.

The feeling that I needed to somehow help her, with no regard for the reality that I can do no better, really sunk in on me. I felt rather muddled as it struck me that my thoughts leapt so quickly to the "fix-it" mode when I, myself, detest that kind of treatment.

I've had an awakening of compassion for those around me in my daily life. There is an enormous sense of powerlessness that I'd never before recognized. I think I felt much the way my family and friends must feel as they watch me decline and have no way to slow or ease my progression. I can only imagine the frustration they must feel, knowing how frustrated I can get, and how much more I've accepted this lot in my life than they.

I think I've just walked a mile in the others' moccasins.

[BBS1951]

You are truly a wonderfully sensitive and compassionate person. Your family is lucky to have you and yes, I bet its tough on them to see your daily struggles. Sometimes I think its harder to be the caregiver than the patient.

[AfterMyNap]

Originally Posted by BBS1951

You are truly a wonderfully sensitive and compassionate person. Your family is lucky to have you and yes, I bet its tough on them to see your daily struggles. Sometimes I think its harder to be the caregiver than the patient.

Thank you, BBS, you give me far too much credit, I'm still learning how to be a grown-up. I think you're right on that it's harder to be the caregiver, whenever the latest bashing of disease happens to me, I often think of how glad I am that it's me and not one of mine going through this.

[FlyFishin Momma]

Originally Posted by AfterMyNap

Thank you, BBS, you give me far too much credit, I'm still learning how to be a grown-up. I think you're right on that it's harder to be the caregiver, whenever the latest bashing of disease happens to me, I often think of how glad I am that it's me and not one of mine going through this.

NOPE not to much credit at all......shes everything you say BBS and more....
I know personally.......and I know if she says she had an awakening then the earth must have shook.......we have talked alot about this very topic....how it pains me that I cant help her (cuz she doesnt want it) now she understands and I am overjoyed about that.......

AMN does that mean I have to hold the door open for ya now instead of lettingit slam in your face?????lolOr that I can go ahead and help ya up when ya fall instead of putting my foot on your tummy shouting Queen of the MT????

Luv,
Kay

[michael178]

I grew up with a disabled father He had a severe case of Rheumatoid arthritis, WE six kids learned when to offer help and when he did not want help. If he wanted help, he would ask for it. WE had a buzzer system installed in every house we lived in, and we frequently used it to summon each other. I was three short buzzes, my older brother was two short, my younger brother was four short. My Father did not stray too far from one of the buzzers And all of us could recognize his buzzes, and often his mood too from the way he buzzed.
I know how fortunate I was and still am to have had a disabled father. He thought me how to be sick, what I should and should not do. And I can absolutely confirm that disease strikes everyone in the house, whether they want it or not. For all of us, it was alway a pleasure and an honor when you were called to help him
and that taught me not to be afraid to ask for help. If you need help, people will happily respond. If you do not ask, you can deprive them along with yourself, and that's foolish. When I asked my father about it, he said that many people do not allow the sick to do what they can, and it robs sick people of some of their dignity...which is he other side of the coin.

[Ceci]

Originally Posted by michael178

I know how fortunate I was and still am to have had a disabled father. He thought me how to be sick, what I should and should not do. For all of us, it was alway a pleasure and an honor when you were called to help him and that taught me not to be afraid to ask for help.

God bless ya Michael. My feelings exactly! It was a gift to be able to help care for my father during his final stages and ultimate death from Alzheimer's.