Thank you so much Debbie and Erika

I took both of your advice and just got done with a nice long chat.

He really does only want me to do what makes me happy and that's rare in people nowadays.

We discussed our future. What I want and what he wants. We set goals so we can get a house in the future (his dad owns property so we can hopefully work out a rent to own situation). He said he still doesn't want me cleaning our house like a madman. Which is totally fine cuz I will be able to start a clean home and keep it from piling up dirt n dust. I get that I wont be able to have it perfect, but I wont have to worry about having a counterproductive roommate anymore.

I feel horrible for having the doubts I did about him. He said he will try not to leave messes behind. I agreed to be patient.

I read my messages above and I sound like a horrible person.
I want to say..
I am so grateful for this life.
im grateful to be able to get out of bed.
for my family. My friends.
for the roof over my head.
the clothes and shoes on my feet.
im grateful for all the bad times, for they strengthen me and remind me just how fortunate of a soul I am.

I hate that I get in these funks. They tend to turn me rather mean and angry. That's not who I am.

I appreciate you all and all the wonderful support and strength you all give me.
im sorry if i came off as hateful and ungrateful.
Todays a new day <3

Wow, you're a strong woman-and I'm glad you took the time and talked with your loved one.
I sometimes feel as if I'm in permanent PMS mode Then I take a few moments to do a gratitude checklist and realize how blessed my life has been even with this stupid health stuff. I am loved by wonderful people; I have a great DH who is my best friend; I have wonderful kids, and in this day and age that is a lot to feel thankful for.

I try to begin each day with a thank you to the Creative Spirit for a new day, and ask for strength to love, serve and live my life to the fullest. By 10 am it's difficult to remember that But I try...

I'm glad you sat and talked about goals. That is one thing we never did, and I regret that. DH's sister & BIL sat down and made 5 year goals. They've had a great life. We just kind of meandered along like pin balls...now we are more active in talking out our future, especially now that the inlaws are at rest.

So, I am glad you have resolved some issues...it's difficult as well, living in someone else's home. Once you are on your own, you & BF will be able to set your priorities in your home, which is so much easier.

Now you need to take care of yourself and figure out what the heck you can get done to feel better!!

Good to see you had a long talk. Talking is a great thing. Talking with loved ones is even better.

I myself have so few family members. Both my parents were only children. So I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins. My wife is an only child. I have no in-laws at all. We have just each other, our 2 sons, and 3 grandchildren. I have a brother 1500 miles away, and his ex-wife and 2 kids. That is the ENTIRE family.

For my problem, I found a resident doctor at a hospital that spent 2 hours with me. We still do not know what is going on, but are working on a best guess that I may be having, "Complex Hemiplegic Migraines." They resemble a stroke but are not. Trying a med that MAY help if this is what it is. Maybe!

Good luck and keep trying. Don't beat yourself up over a rough spell - Just keep talking.

Things between he and I have been so awesome since we talked. Woke up yesterday had my coffee brewed fresh baked blueberry muffins cats feed watered and box cleaned. And he even had cleaned the dishes! He's so amazing. I feel so stupid for not saying anything to him for so long.

Debbie- I totally feel the same. Especially with waking up and being so grateful for everything then by 10, having a different perspective. I feel like alot if not most of that is from frustration stemming from or relating to this crap disease.


Still super numb and have fallen a few times. Took a really nasty fall the other day. My back is killing me today from it. And still haven't heard from ss. But things are much better and my spirit has definitely been lifted.

He doesn't work, just great. How can anyone over the age of 20 NOT work and want to buy stuff, live independently of the "folks" with their GF's? Wish I could still work at my job, impossible now and desperately trying to figure out WTH I can do for work. SUCKS! I'm too old for this crap! looking for another "MS compatible carrer"

Use a walking stick for the falls.....who cares....you're going to get hurt badly if ya don't.

I am most definitely going to use a cane.. im falling at least once a day. And that's just at home. I haven't stepped outside for a few days as its over 100 where im at.

My bf doesn't work, but is doing glass art like marbles.pendants.wine stoppers etc.
he's sold a few things so far
He's pretty talented considering how early in the game he is.
I honestly think he has the potential to be big one day.
he said he's going to get a job so we can start our future.
I support him in the lampworking as this has been a dream of his since we were in high school.

Today, I think I will decorate my cane. As crazy as this sounds, if it has my flair to it I might feel slightly less embarrassed by it.
and instead of looking drunk, people will see the cane and know that I have some type of disability versus looking like an alcoholic by staggering into the grocery store at noon.

I feel im getting deeper into this new flare.. still super numb but couldn't do anything yesterday. I slept for prolly 20 hrs off and on.today isn't as bad so im thinking some healing action went down in all that sleep.

So many days wasted away by ms.

Have your BF do the decor of your cane. My DH was an Artist,
Signwriter & Pinstriper and supported us in style!!! He also
carved, decorated and gold leafed my cane..

Eric, hope your cane is waterproof and doesn't have any sharp
instruments attached. (rubber raft, ya know.)