[EricP]

Today I got up and thought to myself if I should even go out the door, because just moving is sooooo tough today. I'm currently in Arbys(my wifi hangout) and had to go take a leak like 4 times so far, lol and each time I had to get up and walk there, I was obviously having trouble according to people's eyes looking at me. Oh I felt it too.... I didn't use a stick today(trying to be Annyadee) and found myself having the utmost difficulty pulling my legs forward....like I was dragging my entire leg from just a little past of my hips. I was sloooowww. Felt a little disorianted, but not as bad..... Today has been one of the more difficult times to walk, but not the worst.... Getting sooo sick of this, not knowing how it will be day to day and not being able to plan anything, because of not being sure if I will be able to hold up.

Told dad I wasn't going to the races tonight, because I know I cannot walk that great to get up the grandstand this time plus the entire place is gravel to walk on, not pavement....I'll fall for sure in this shae and I am not letting my dad hold my arm for stability either. It's too embarrassing....for the both of us. I am also worried about having an accident....been having frequency again and although they fixed me so I am 100% dry, I still worry A LOT! At the races, bathrooms are NOT A STONE THROW AWAY! It's just to risky.

I could see my dad was a little disappointed....tonight is going to be a fierce night of racing and cars will be crashing....and he wanted me to be there. Last week I managed to go, but asked to leave before the last two features...I was dead tired and couldn't stay awake. I'm so tired of this....and I can see some of the people I know and love are tired of it too. I make plans then break them the last minute and get all sorts of mad, because I really wanted to go or do, but literally couldn't.

The good news though is that I got a radio control boat (traxx Spartan) and it does like 50 MPH and big. Lots of fun and addicting, plus I all I have to do is sit on my *** on the beach and play.

Later peeps....don't worry...I'm fairly happy and feeling positive, just a little frustrated today and all that.