Originally Posted by TXBatman

I think I already posted almost the same thing I am about to say on somebody else's thread a year or two ago, but FWIW, here is my male perspective on why so many male spouses have trouble dealing with a wife who is Dxed with MS. As has been said, guys are "fixers" but more than that, society beats into us from an early age to help women, to care for the women that we love, and most importantly, to protect them. By the time most men are grown (if they are raised right), it is next to instinctual to do things like open doors, give up a seat on a bus, etc. for women. When we are in relationships, we want to fix any problem and protect you from any harm.

That is why MS in a spouse is so hard on most guys. We can't "fix" the problem...there is no cure...so it makes a guy feel kind of helpless watching the woman they love deal with something that they can't fix. And then there is the harm. When he sees you overwhelmed or in pain, or unable to do something, it feels like failure to him. Because he has let harm come to you and he can't fix it. For a guy who always had your back and who never let harm come to you, seeing what MS does can just be really hard. He may shy away from dealing with it because it can make him feel like he has failed somehow...or that he feels helpless knowing you are hurting and he can't fix it.

I am not saying any of that to justify how he has reacted as right. I just say it so maybe you can understand part of why he might be feeling what he is feeling. If it has progressed to where it is causing fights and interfering with intimacy, you really ought to try to get him to counseling with you. Any disease like MS is hard enough by itself, neither of you needs the stress of relationship strife stacked on top of it to deal with. Just understand that he is suffering too when he sees you hurting and in pain. He may hide his feelings (most of us do), but he is probably scared of losing his best friend too, and probably even more scared of having to watch it happen slowly in front of his eyes, while he is helpless to do anything about it.

Good luck to both of you, and keep talking here. This is a great place with wonderfully supportive people.