You, my Dear are the proof that Luck has absolutely NOTHING to do with anything.

I hate hate hate that you are having a progression right now. You are so brave to take it as you do, with a possitive attitude as to how you will handle it.

The power of this smelly disease just pales in the face of your power to overcome and to adjust and to change and to do whatever it takes to live as normal a life as you are able. My hat's off to you..

Luckiest day my *****..

*backing away slowly*

Um, more coffee, Sal??

LOL, Cindy...Did I stutter? Sometimes when I hear stories like Chris's, this disease just irks me to no end. I just want to throw rocks at it..KWIM?

It's just so mean for all of us. The stuff we have to go through every single day, just to get our day started, while others take it for granted is enough to upset most people.

Anyone have any Cheese??

Sally! I have a positive attitude? Say it ain't so! Just thinking about it gives me an overwhelming sense of ickiness....

No, really, I'm not brave. Not extraordinary. My attitude stumbles along between positive and negative, fumbling to find the balance. But I am determined on not leaving the farm where I now live. If I have to temper my natural rigidity with a more flexible approach to my lifestyle, I will. If I have to show more grace than is natural to me in asking for and accepting help with the simplest of tasks, I'll do that. If I have to bend the knee to Medicaid to get what I need, I will. It's worth it to me.

A person has to go forward, or get stuck in a downward spiral of depression and frustration. I have plenty of meltdowns from those but I'm not into the living death, so I choose to move forward. At least I do today. I'll let you know about tomorrow.

Chris

Oh Noooooo, Chris. I apologize for using the P word. I meant it in a.......er.......um.....most positive way.

I didn't mean to push the P envelope atcha, really.

You are doing what we are all trying to do and that's to keep the status quo. I just want to stay in my little non-handicapped accessable home until I die of old age, quietly, in my sleep.

You go girl.

OH NO -- I missed it too!! Usually I don't know what the heck day it is, they all seem so alike they just blend in together.

What a great place this is -- we're all "lucky" that way. We can rant and rave (? rave -- what's that?) all we want and everyone understands just what we mean and where we're coming from!!

Chris -- you ARE an inspiration to me no matter how humble you sound. I think we're both just about at the same stage with this "smelly" -- to quote Sally, disease and reading about your courage and ingenuity help me get through my day! Thank you sooo much, and I hope you're not too black and blue!

It wasn't a lucky day for a couple I read about in the local paper. Sometime during their wedding/reception someone broke into their house and stole $2,000 of their honeymoon money. What low-lifes there are out there!!

You know, after fifteen years of my own personal version of this disease you'd think a progression wouldn't catch me by surprise, or kick up the resentment and frustration and depression all over again. But noooo. I never mind admitting when I've been feeling sorry for myself, and I have. Thanks for the positive strokes, Sally and Judy. Right now I really can use them.

Chris

Hey, Chris, this bugger kicks you square in the butt at every turn. Once in awhile it hurts more than other times. It can be debilitating in ways that aren't even physical. I don't think of it as feeling sorry for oneself, after all, we are created to process a full range of emotions.

One of the most difficult aspects of all this is retaining our sense of our personal worth. Myself, I am taking a powerful beating right now, inside and out. I'm keenly sensitive to personal things and feel beaten down, almost completely lost to my former self. It's normal, and it will pass, it must pass.

We mourn losses of all kinds on such a regular basis that it could easily consume us. Let's you and I stick it out together, eh?

Personal worth? I keep wondering when the time will come that I look in the mirror and there's nobody looking back! My personhood has been restructured so many times by this freakin' disease that I'm losing track. I'm just saying. But hey. It's kind of like real life that way, ya know?

Chris

Oh. and PS? In the interest of full disclosure (mostly to myself), it's not courage, or positive attitude, or humility, or any other self serving BS that helps me to cope and move forward. It's giving myself permission to act like any other normal human being on the planet, to sometimes express -- mostly to myself, but sometimes to safe others -- the anger and frustration and depression terrible situations can trigger. Giving myself permission not to trivialize my own suffering. These are things that allow me, not to forget or necessarily make it ok, but to move on. Go forward.

I don't have to make big leaps, and I don't expect them of myself. Baby steps are enough.

Chris