The inevitable for dog owners happened today. I had to make that horrible decision to say goodbye to my 15-1/2 year old Bichon Frise. Living alone, she was my constant, faithful friend 24/7 and this house seems as empty as the hole in my heart. My two friends took me and Susan to the vets to see if anything could be done to help her. Last night she was incontinent in bed which never happened before and when I put her down on the floor she could barely stand up and just staggered aimlessly around in circles.

She went downhill so fast -- last month she was okay except for her eyes, but turns out she had anemia, failing kidneys and congestive heart failure. Last Wednesday she fell right down on her stomach with legs stretched out, then vomited. The vet thinks it was probably a heart attack. From then on she began having labored breathing, shook all over, so I had the feeling the end was coming. I stayed with her for the first injection until she was unconscious, but then left since she wouldn't know if I was there or not then. I've decided to get her ashes, not to make a big deal here in the house (keep them tucked away) and when my time comes, I'd like them put in with me. I know it's not really her, but then it won't really be me either! At least I feel I did everything humanly possible for her, but the failing kidneys was the final straw. Nothing could be done and she was miserable.

NO MORE PETS!!! I can no longer take care of them properly since I'm in this stupid chair, and I never want to go through another day like today. My eyes feel like they're burning in their sockets from crying so much. I know she was a dog, but being an "animal person" plus being alone made this especially difficult.

Hope I didn't depress you too much. It helps a little to "talk" about it.

Take care........