[AfterMyNap]

"There is a voice that has no name. It comes with evening or behind the rain. I have no time now to stop and explain, I just keep movin' 'cuz it helps to ease the pain."

That is a song lyric, I have no idea who wrote it or where it came from, I learned it in 7th grade choir and have never heard it since. I have never forgotten it in all these years.

I'm feeling a little reflective and little bit liberated today. I just want to tell you about my friend, Sharon. Almost 20 years of friendship and we are still golden and true blue. We don't talk or see one another more than about once a month. We are very close personally, but don't stay so connected as we do with our other friends. We're cool with it.

This morning, Sharon called to declare that it's time to plan my birthday celebration. Our tradition has been to skip the actual date and plug our party into an ordinary day. We decided on spa time in January for mine this year.

We talked awhile about all sorts of things and I was again reminded of how much I've appreciated her friendship all these years. It's really something.

After we hung up, I thought a long time about my personal investments in friendships. Some are much too high, along with my expectations for them. My heart reached a place today where I can finally release that depth of emotional dependence on some, and revitalize several stable and time-tested relationships. In essence, I feel peaceful about rebuilding my walls of guarded protection and will not let them fall again. It is a little sad, but necessary and liberating.

I call it social housekeeping and it must be done, I need it.

[SallyC]

I hear you, Cindy and good for you. I envy you, because I don't really have any friends anymore.

My Best Friend Lissa doesn't call or drop in anymore. She lives less than a mile away and I haven't seen her in, at least, a year. We have been friends since the fourth grade. Her Kids (all grown now) call me Aunt Sally.

She E-mails stupid stuff to me and that's her extent of communication, lately. I'm pi$$ed by her actions, but what can I do?

Let's face it, I'm not much of a friend to anyone now and, I guess, no fun. I can't just jump up and go anymore and she is always on the go...never home and never returns my calls.

I have lost touch, completely with all my, what I call, fair weather friends. 'cause its not fair weather anymore in my house. . I have another friend (with MS) I've known for about 15 yrs, and we used to have such fun, when we were both still active. We talk once a month and e-mail (mostly me), but even she doesn't have time for me.

It must be my fault. Maybe I don't call often enough, but I hate to pester or be too needy. I just want to be a friend again and not someone people feel they have to call or check on.

You have the right idea, Cindy, I just don't know how to fix it.

[HSPCraig]

Originally Posted by SallyC

I hear you, Cindy and good for you. I envy you, because I don't really have any friends anymore.

I'm right there with you Sally. I know how lonely it feels. My friends consist of the people I talk with on the forums and emails.

I'm your friend Sally and I really like that.

[SallyC]

Originally Posted by HSPCraig

I'm right there with you Sally. I know how lonely it feels. My friends consist of the people I talk with on the forums and emails.

I'm your friend Sally and I really like that.

ME TOO, CRAIG!! THANKS.

[DM]

Well, this is making me sad. I don't like posts like this.

Who to start w/first. Oh, that you be YOU, AMN!! Since we have met several times, we are definitely "friends". That won't change.

Now, Sally and Craig~~ Altho we haven't personally met, I want you both to know that I consider you both "cyber" friends and if it were geographically possible, I would be bothering you both in person.

I met Sal here and Craig first on another board. I know it's not the same as having friends that are actively and physically in your lives. Those are precious, but I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers that people/or past friend's remember just how special you guys all are.

take care and stepping off my soapbox now!

[AfterMyNap]

Relax, dingbat, I know that I'm stuck with you. And us cyber people are a posse, we'll stick together through thick and thin.

My thing is that, at times, I practically torture myself over some of my friendships and there is just no reason. I need to let go of that stuff, the only one it hurts is me. My expectations tend to be unrealistic sometimes and then I go all cattywampus.

The other thing about this is that I'm in the detestable habit of making myself too vulnerable to being used. A good example is a friend/neighbor... scratch that... a neighbor with whom I have a fond and successful acquaintance. It finally struck me, after way too long, that the only time I hear from her is when she wants something from me. I enjoy her company very much but will no longer be accommodating her whims. It's that simple, I need to reconnoiter, regroup, and rebuild. I was safe and protected for a long time. I have let my guard down lately and it isn't right for me.

I'm even feeling guilty for not making my annual visit to some friends this winter. The reality is that I can't manage in their split-level home. It's not my fault! It's theirs. If they'd had the decency to buy a home where I could operate, we wouldn't be having this problem now, would we?

This is a personal survival mechanism for me. It's just easier, the hard part is letting go of the emotional dependency. I need my old self to get back on duty.

I'm not sure what to say either, Sal. Friendships can be skittish things. My niece and I were talking about this stuff the other night, she was lamenting some changes in her own friendships. She then quoted to me something I had apparently once told her, "Time culls friendships". Yikes, practically prophetic.

We all change, grow, advance, develop new interests, add new people, etc. all our lives. There isn't really room to lay blame on anyone, it kind of just happens. Sal, are there what I call "Christmas Card Friends" out there? Ones you could enjoy a reacquainted, catch-up kind of relationship? Maybe look up old school mates, I just had lunch in August with a gal I hadn't seen since high school and we had a blast. We now email a few times a month. It's fun.

[Curious]

givers and takers.
some of us are born givers. we attract the takers. if the time comes that we need to be given to...well..the takers just back off or disapear.

not just health problems cause this.

my dearest friend went *poof.

i was there for her when her husband left her. he has pd.(dx age 40) he decided that he wanted to find his first love before it was to late. she came for holidays. i changed up some traditions, becasue i knew she needed me. changed my workout times..my work schedule to be there for her.

then when my grandson was abandoned and i started raising him...*poof she was gone. when i need the support and friendship...the taker couldn't give.

i think the best friendships are made up of the givers. sometimes we have a hard time recieving...even in the worst of times. but with your group of giver friends...you don't have to have a wall up. we understand.

so cindy..yep..be leary...be on your guard..but keep being you...and hand over the chocolate!

[AfterMyNap]

Aw, Yappy, I shant abandon who I am, it cannot be done. Here, eat this and don't ask for more, I got nothin' left to give!

[DM]

Originally Posted by AfterMyNap

Aw, Yappy, I shant abandon who I am, it cannot be done. Here, eat this and don't ask for more, I got nothin' left to give!

Well, if nobody wants the chocolate??? I'll take it!!

[Curious]

YUM. that was great. but not good for the figure.