Crumbling

PolarExpress · 03-02-2008, 09:01 PM

Dearest Friend,
Everyone has pretty much summed up what I believe as well..
I just wanted to offer my support in whatever way I can.
You know, there are perfectly healthy women out there who would not be able to handle raising teenagers, caring for an ill spouse, helping adult kids when needed, and working. None of us are super human. Take the time to care for yourself, and all else will work itself out.

and best wishes!

Friend2U · 04-05-2008, 09:58 PM

I have decided to work just half time starting with the next school year.

I have already worked it out with my district. They are very supportive... I am very lucky in that way. I was considering retiring completely, but just can't close the door that tightly yet.

You folks have helped me work through this MORE than you can ever realize.

The decision was SO huge for me. It's hard not to feel like a failure.

But I now realize that it's just me feeling that way, not the rest of the world. This has been a big step for me. It's hard to let go of the person I thought I was. I'm starting to look at myself as someone a little different, not lesser, just different! This is such a huge revelation for me.... it bring tears to my eyes as I share this with you... It's bittersweet.

My hubby, feels I probably should retire full time. He is the one who sees what I look like every day when I get home. But he is being very supportive of me not being ready to give it up completely. I'm not completely confident of if I can make it even half-time. But I have to try it that way.

Thank you so much for your kind words. I have done just as I said and pulled them up several times to read them for strength.

I love you all.

MooseasaurusRex · 04-06-2008, 12:40 AM

I won't complicate it with more words.

Just a big Moose hug for you. ((((Friend))))

Friend2U · 04-06-2008, 01:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MooseasaurusRex

I won't complicate it with more words.

Just a big Moose hug for you. ((((Friend))))

Thanks so much.... you have to know that what you said earlier in the thread in your Moose Protocol... "Multi-Tasking is Over-rated"...

I will have you know that I WAS (IN BIG CAPITAL LETTERS) was the QUEEN of multi-tasking.

You were so right....over-rated big time!!!

I am now SINGLE TASKING! Still the 'queen' ...ha!...but slowed down big time! (Can't give up everything!)

Tapering off is the name of my game now! Thanks for the advice!

Jan4you · 04-06-2008, 12:30 PM

Hello dear,

I am sorry I missed your original post but glad to read today how you are changing and adjusting.

I too had a disabled husband and a very challening marriage as a result. Not his fault, as he had short term memory damage and I had very intrusive in- laws. I fought for him, advocated for him until the end. He was so toxic from his medications, 2 brain operations, etc that he died, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am glad for him that his suffering is over after 46 years of meds and seizures.

I never knew what a toll taking care of him and putting him first played on my health until now. He also was upset I think that he could not truly care for me a I did for him. His parents played that up and as a result he would live with them and not me.

STRESS can and will kill, slowly or quickly. We must take that seriously. Prioritizing, and delegating is so important. AND to re-think your goals and calling in this world..amazing!! What a learning experience!!!

Keep us informed and let us know how you are doing, the good and the not so good.

Warmly, Jan

Friend2U · 04-06-2008, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jan4you

Hello dear,

I am sorry I missed your original post but glad to read today how you are changing and adjusting.

I too had a disabled husband and a very challening marriage as a result. Not his fault, as he had short term memory damage and I had very intrusive in- laws. I fought for him, advocated for him until the end. He was so toxic from his medications, 2 brain operations, etc that he died, suddenly and unexpectedly. I am glad for him that his suffering is over after 46 years of meds and seizures.

I never knew what a toll taking care of him and putting him first played on my health until now. He also was upset I think that he could not truly care for me a I did for him. His parents played that up and as a result he would live with them and not me.

STRESS can and will kill, slowly or quickly. We must take that seriously. Prioritizing, and delegating is so important. AND to re-think your goals and calling in this world..amazing!! What a learning experience!!!

Keep us informed and let us know how you are doing, the good and the not so good.

Warmly, Jan

Thank you so much for sharing with me. I am truly sorry for what you have been through and can certainly relate to most of it. It can all be so very stressful. My hubby does feel so bad that he can't be the one to take care of me. I try to let him do little things for me when he offers, even if I don't really need the help. We are just doing the best we know how to do... taking it one day at a time. Luckily, we have God in our lives... We are still human, however, but having our faith gets us through a lot.

I wish you the best. Yes, I will keep you updated. I have gotten so much good from everyone here at NT. This website is truly a blessing. You take care!

~Friend

michael178 · 04-06-2008, 05:32 PM

In addition to drugs for fatigue, I'd suggest getting ahold of the local MS society for help. There are local support groups that you can join and these groups will be a life saver for you, trust me. You need to hear what others are going through and you need to tell what's happening to you to others who have been there and gone through it.
Don't delay make the call and go visit them. That is why so many people walk for ms.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Friend2U

We almost lost my DH to colorectal cancer last year. It was initially missed by one dr and 2 years later, the tumor was so large it was attached to ALL sided of his pelis and his bladder. It ruptured, but the surgeon was able to get it out without it spreading. He finished the last of his chemo about 5 months ago. But his has lost a lot of weight even since then and is is much pain. Has trouble getting around and functioning. I am praying it hasn't spread and that this is just aftermath of the chemo.

Thank you both for your advise and encouragement. Cherie you are so level headed. I have read many things you have shared in other threads. You are both very kind. I know I have to be level headed and make changes in my life. It is just overwhelming right now and seems impossible.

Cherie, part of my stress right now is my work. I am considering an early retirement. It's just so hard because it seems like defeat. I was not finished with all I wanted to do with my career. Sometimes I just get so mad. I know God doesn't give us more than we can handle. And I also know that I can grow for the Lord through this. My brain knows all the right things. But my heart just doesn't always "get it".

I just needed a shoulder to cry on tonight. Thank you both for letting me do that. I'm sure I will pick myself up by the bootstraps shortly... I always do. I am just going to have to find a new way, because I know "powering through it" is not an option anymore, as was mentioned to me earlier on in this thread. I just have to find my way through it all and right now I'm just a bit lost.

I have always been the listener and fixer for everyone else. That's the way it is supposed to be for me. God is teaching me something, but I'm just not sure what.

Thank you so much for caring!

Sometimes that is enough... just to know there is someone out there who cares!

Friend2U · 04-06-2008, 05:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by michael178

In addition to drugs for fatigue, I'd suggest getting ahold of the local MS society for help. There are local support groups that you can join and these groups will be a life saver for you, trust me. You need to hear what others are going through and you need to tell what's happening to you to others who have been there and gone through it.
Don't delay make the call and go visit them. That is why so many people walk for ms.

I had kinda "forgotten" about a local MS society, though at one time I did know about it. That is a good idea. I live about 60 miles away from the city where it is, but when I go back to town, I am going to check it out. Thank you so much for the advice! Take care!

RedPenguins · 04-06-2008, 11:04 PM

Hi Friend,

It sounds like you are truly taking care of yourself by deciding to reduce your work load...though I understand the feelings associated with that

I'm sorry you are having to go thru this.

As for MS Society stuff - they offer lots of support in addition to in-person stuff. I recently completed a TELEPHONE support group for newly diagnosed individuals (I think we ranged from 1 month dx - me - to people dx a year or so). Anyhow, every Wednesday night for 8 weeks we would meet on the phone together. It was run by a therapist. I know it might sound weird - and at moments it was - but it was also really good and helpful to me.

They also have a program called "Knowledge is Power" where they mail and email stuff to you.

You should check out what they have to offer you: 1-800-FIGHT-MS.

Good luck,

~Keri

Friend2U · 04-07-2008, 12:00 AM

I appreciate the phone number and will give them a call. I "think" / "hope" the shock of it all is sorta wearing off. Maybe going into having summer break in a couple of months, I can kinda settle in and get better oriented. The last few months have just been a whirlwind.

I am trying very hard to be realistic and starting to make some gradual changes that will be beneficial. Thanks for the help. You are all great!

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