I lead a support group for Weight loss surgery. It is positive and upbeat.

I have my first MS support group meeting on Thursday. I called the leader of the group. While the is nothing against him at all, he scared the crap out of me.

During our 20 min conversation, he asked my my name at least 6 times, even after JUST telling him it in the sentence before. He asked the age of my daughter 3 times. He said he was DX'd at 35 and went on disability almost immediately because of his progression. He has RRMS. He says he won't use a cane or walker but there have been times he has had to crawl to the bathroom. Said his wife left him 2 years after his dx. Asked if I could put one foot in front of the other, I said, Yes. He was stunned Asked if I could write well, I said yes, he was stunned Asked if I worked, I said, yes, 2 jobs as well as going to school, writing a book, being a full time mom and wife. He said, well you might need to give some of that up

I understand this disease takes a different course for everyone. I understand some are worse than others. Right now, in the newness of the diagnosis (although I;ve known of the possibility for 8 years), I find myself absorbing EVERYTHING that I can learn. That is a good thing, but when I talk to people or watch my friend with ms struggle to get in and out of her wc, it scares the bejebees out of me.

The guy I talked to was in his mid-forties. I don't wanna be on disability by that time. I don't wanna hear I can be. I wanna hear that I should fight this, and I am doing well, and people not be surprised that I still have abilities that I do.

I guess I have (so far) a very mild course. I have had 2 relapses in 8 years, and when in remission, other than fatigue and the occasional balance issue, there is nothing wrong.

AGGH. I just wanna talk, but don't want the negative shoved down my throat and me beat into submitting to this disease. Does that make sense. I wanna see others who are still working at 50, and not in a wc. I wanna hear THAT is possible. I want hope!!!

I just feel if I go to a support group, I may leave even more depressed. I already have insecurity issues. Even though my husband and I have been through he!! and back, we have a wonderful marriage, but I wonder if THIS could be the breaking point, when/if it gets bad.

The dynamics of this group is great. We have all different aspects of the disease represented. That makes me feel good. I can take the good and the bad. I can know the wat ifs of the good and the bad. THAT is what I want. A balanced representation.

Just thinking out loud!!! It was just a scarey and weird phone call last night. Got me pretty depressed.

Thanks for reading!