Getting it out here is good therapy! You'll continue to have these what-ifs, but they won't happen as often. Be gentle to yourself and know that no matter what happens, you'll figure out how to deal with it!

You have the right to a pity party. We all do sometimes. Want some cheese with that whine?

I am sorry you are feeling this way. I hope you are feeling better this am. I have yet to really allow it to sink in. Even when I was at my NEW second job yesterday and had to leave 2 hours into it, cause I was getting double vision and feeling like I was going to pass out. Was it due to my MS? IDK. My family seems to think I am pushing myself to hard, especially since I found out. I think I just got sick from taking my one med on an empty stomach.

We are going to go through this. Don't beat yourself up. This is natural. At least that is everything I am being told and reading about this sucky disease!!

Thoughts to you. Do you like swiss cheese? I would send some to that doctor for Christmas, or just out of the blue and let him know the effect that had on your well-being, that really sucks the way he put that out there. BUT, swiss cheese ain't all that bad, is it? I mean, I love baby swiss... and you are still teaching college, so your swiss cheese brain is smarter than mine, and I don't think mine is swiss yet, maybe cheddar

Hugs to you. Take a you day!

Natalie - good for you for putting it out there. I feel on the verge of a panic relapse! I like that term a lot....can I borrow it? Pity party is another good one... I think I'm due for this....I certainly feel it coming.

I agree - good for you for cancelling class! Woo hoo! I used to love it when my profs cancelled class.

I had to cancel some of my clients two weeks ago. I was so mad at myself. And it's a little worse in my case because I don't get paid if I cancel. Sigh.

I'm not a big ice cream fan...but bring on the brownies... I've been making a box of brownies every week for the last several weeks. Not so good. I need to stop that....

Beauty - I think you did push too hard. Double vision sounds more related to the MS than taking a med on an empty stomach... but then again, a little denial won't hurt! I push myself too hard a lot, too. I'm still learning my limits... try to be good to yourself!!

~Keri

Funny, we all define things in our own way. I have BOTH panic "relapses" and pity parties.

A pity party is: Woe is I, it's not fair, nobody cares, nobody understands, Bob looks at me funny, I'm as fat as two pigs, the kids never call, I don't feel good, I'm tired, I don't like myself, etc.

A panic relapse is: What if I get worse? What if I can't work? What if I can't afford to pay the bills? My chest feels tight. Am I having a heart attack? If I have a heart attack, will the ambulance be able to find me? Should I go turn on the porch light so the ambulance can find me in case I'm having a heart attack? What if I call the ambulance and I'm NOT having a heart attack? What was that noise?

Blessings - you are so right!

Now I can update my personal dictionary! I think I'm about to have both. Usually my panic relapse starts the pity party!

Perfect definitions Blessings! I think there is a difference between a pity party and a panic relapse. I've got the waxing and waning panic relapses going on right now. I was feeling better last night after this wonderful group of people offered support...but I'm struggling again.

Keri, I'm sorry you had to cancel your clients. It makes me mad too when I have to cancel stuff now because I feel crappy. I was never one to cancel and was always on the go-go-go cycle. I guess the key is to cut ourselves some slack. We are doing the absolute best we can. Heck, we are both still working at least part of the time -- we haven't completely given up. And I think you are a conscientious person just like I am. You care about your clients and I care about my students so that has to count for something, right? For the record, I only like chocolate ice cream. Brownies are wonderful, especially for breakfast. I'm really a donut junkie though.

Finally, don't you all just love that definition of the pity party from the urban dictionary?! It's a way of experiencing grief through whining at how crappy everything is. It's not to be broken up until "usually a cynical loved one" makes you crawl out of bed to see how pathetic you are and just tells you to cut out the whining." If you guys want to have a pity party in your pajamas some night just let me know. And I promise I won't ever break it up!!