:D Twink, I'm working on it. It's therapeutic to write things down.

Okay, how about this:


DOORS AND WINDOWS


Bang!
My heart trembled for days
After the door slammed shut on my plans,
On my dreams, on the joy of my life.
I never saw it start to move,
Never imagined it wouldn’t stay open forever.
Just one day, bang!
I jiggled the doorknob,
Then leaned in with my shoulder
And pushed with all my strength,
Pushed until I was too sore to move,
But I couldn’t get it open again.

Once a day or once a week,
I try the door again,
Thinking maybe this time it will open.
I wish you’d take away the knob, Lord,
Pry off the moldings
Cover the hole with drywall
So it won’t be there to make me think
My life might be the way it was again.

Was it You that slammed the door on me,
Or did the winds of life just catch it,
And You chose to let it close?

Either way, here I am, Lord,
Anxiously groping around the dark walls of my world,
Trying to find that window.
You know what I mean, Lord,
The window they always say You’ll open
When You close a door.

I don’t see any windows in here yet,
Just blank smooth walls that feel the same
All the way around.
No light coming in,
No cool, fresh breeze.
No glimpse into a sunny new day.
Just walls.


I clenched my puny little fists
And punched away as hard as I could,
Determined to make my own windows
And open them myself.
My impatience only brought me dented walls,
Throbbing knuckles, and more fatigue.

Then I called a friend,
And she said, “Take a deep breath.
Close your eyes,
Unclench your fists,
And place your palms flat against the wall:
Feel the hope on the other side,
And wait.
The windows will open in God’s good time.”
I believe it.
And I’ll try.

Fine writing!
 

You have a fine writing talent!!!

Good job!!!

Niko:cool:

I love it, Blessings...Thanks so much..:) :hug:

OK I have a different take on this. It seems to me that there is no way you would have willingly given up playing the organ in church, right?

So, perhaps God has another calling for you and he had to wrestle you away from this one first. Instead of searching for the window, maybe you have to be quiet and still and listen for His voice to tell you what He is thinking.

That is the hard thing to do when you are grieving a loss. However, I believe He has something in mind for you.

Trust that your abilities are stronger than your disabilities - Maxene Kupperman-Guinals. I found this in the Momentum Magazine this week!

I think it will be my new motto.

B2Y, your abilities are much, much stronger than your disabilities and don't you ever forget it.

Wow, Blessings -- you should submit that to a magazine. You put all the frustration and hope in there so eloquently. (((Blessings2You)))

no advice, just hugs and a willing ear. :hug:

B2Y
I'm just getting here, and I can't add any more to the mix. Just wanted to say your poems are wonderful. Maybe a book is in your future. Be still and listen.

:hug:'s

BTU, I'm soooooo sorry for your loss and believe me, I know where you're coming from. I too played piano/organ for two different churches for around 20 years all together. Also directed the choirs, put together cantatas, special programs, etc. My piano here at home was my relaxation when the world was going crazy -- especially my three teenagers at the time -- when all of a sudden I couldn't sit on the bench anymore without holding onto something. Felt like I was going to fall off. Of course before that my hand/eye coordination was off and the pedals were out being my legs/feet no longer work. It really is such a blow even though you know it's coming.

Seems like God has revealed another talent for you in writing. Perhaps a memoir of your years playing would be an encouragement for others?? Your poems are wonderful!

After being in this "chair" for a few years now, I've come to realize this fickle disease keeps throwing more and more curve balls at us. Each thing we have to give up is another loss and it takes the grieving process all over again before accepting -- at least for me. But God is still in control and He will make a way, even though it might not be the way we had planned.

Sounds like you have a great hubby there to help and comfort. Mine has been gone since the year I was diagnosed with this lovely disease, but God does provide the strength to go on.

Prayers and hugs are coming your way......... :)