[Jan4you]

OK I am going to preface this with I am in a "mood" and just feeling kinda sad and lonely. I came HERE cuz I think some of you may remember who I am.

I am usually the one who support and encourages even tho I do not have ANY concrete DX of MS or any other neuro disorder. I stay here to offer that support.

Yet for me, something IS wrong and I cannot ignore it.

I just started a new job doing, get this HOPSICE work as a social worker and I love it. BUT yet I recognize that a new job is a stressor.. to learn all over again, make mistakes and struggle in that process.
OK I am aware of that.

I am also still grieving over the sudden unexpected death of my DH a year ago. i have periods when I am really ok then angry then .. well.. not ok. I do believe with all the struggles of loving a man who suffered brain trauma 3 months after falling in love I am happy that NOW"our relationship" on a spiritual level is present and I am happy with that. He does speak to me.. I feel his presence and guidance.

But since my new insuranc does not start until Sept 1st I have been having some neuro type problems. Of course !! I am having Seconds of spacing out with dizziness.. BP out of whack again.. Its as if I can feel lesions popping in my brain. Sounds whacko but true.

I have to start ALL over again with picking MDs..and I swore off MDs all off this year!!!

My MS neuro ruled everything out that he could and declared in 2005 I had MS tho benign/mild case. OK.. then walks away. Never offers tx yet would treat any symptoms with Steriods if really bad. Then his
PA said NO, no MS but something neurological is going on and its serious. Ask the Neuro if indeed I had autonomic dysfunction, he calls back NO, I did not have an autonomic dysfuntion (the sudden attacks of BP/HR and unresponsiveness)/ The last time I saw him this year, he said NO MS tho he was monitoring me for 4 months every year as it was not sure. So now he said I do have autonomic dysfunction (huh?) and should see a cariologist who would only put me on a beta blocker I am already on for it. I have no heart disease but my BP is hard to control at times.

I get bladder pain as if a UTI is starting but no infection..just pain and it goes away.

See? AGain I am swearing off docs but cannot risk something really serious to happen with just starting a new job and on probation. I am tired of all this.

I guess I just need a comforting word... a connection ok guys?

You were all so supportive when my DH passed.. so I am coming back for a emotional "tune up"...

Jan