Everyone has a different definition of "whiners, wimps, and sissies".

You define them as someone who "trudges around like a cloud of doom, dragging you down with them as they "woe, woe, woe" . . . whereas someone else's definition might include "someone who can't climb on that roof, bake those cupcakes, or attend that meeting".

That doesn't necessarily make them "martyrs" either (according to your definition) . . . from their perspective, they just put on their big girl panties and deal with what needs to get done.

You don't have to try to live up to anyone else's expectations, B2Y. If you are happy with YOU, that's all that matters.

Cherie

I think this is often a form of passive aggressiveness. Doing things that make a martyr but don't neccassaryily do anyone real good (real deeds usually go as unnoticed as possible and that's really how the doer wants it, and these deeds are done for another's good, not to make the doer look good, a martyr, a saint. "Oh look at me, how good I am. What a GOOD person I am".

BTY,
I read your entry, I know those people, but see no one else benefitting from their actions. I've known the "Unsung heroes" whose energies went to real positive things for others, but no one ever knows what they did. They don't do it for others to see.

((hugs))

just wanted to send you a hug it sounds like you had a bad day or two.

Hate to tell you, but I am one of those people that MUST get up. I have been that way since I was a kid. I would work 12 hours, go to school, and was raising a kid, while doing chemo as a single parent. its a HARD thing to do, and just because they make it look easy, doesnt mean that it is. I cant count the hours that I drove home in tears because I was so exhausted, spent, and worn out. It was important to my child that I go see his play, or football game, so...i went. it was important to my career that I take this class. it meant a huge pay bump, so...i went. If I didnt wipe up the spilled milk, there was no one else behind me begging to get to it, so...it became my job to keep a clean house. I to this day have NO clue how I did all the things I did, and I am not even sure I thought myself capable. I took ONE event at a time, sometimes one part of an event at a time. Sometimes there are things we MUST do, for ourselves, our families, our careers that while our bodies are screaming, and kicking to go lay down, we know to do so would mean I was going to pull the covers over my head and not come out for weeks. If I cant come out for weeks, then I am not going to go there to start with. yes! i would have loved to sit and read a book, but the path that I chose wouldnt allow that. If someone asked "why are you here?" I wasnt going to give the whiney, "you cant believe the day I have had and I dont want to be here, but feel I will be fired or left behind if i didnt come." its just socially polite to say "i wouldnt have missed it!" so, sometimes behind those shiney smiley faces, is another human being in pain, and struggling. I know. I was one of them.

I hope you feel better.

as I write my list of crap I have to do today: pile some wood, clean the apartment for visitors to come, vac the house, wash the kitchen floor, sweep the porch of the leaves that have piled up, catch up on book-work for the business, (all brain work that I hate) give the dogs a bath so they are clean for the visitors that are coming, take care of the dishes, and do some laundry.

I read your post.....

I don't want to do all those things, I want to sit on the couch, read my book, do some crocheting and look at my beautiful rocks I got in the mail cause my body is tired and sore...... woe is me!

Great Post B2U!!! you always know how to put your thoughts into words very nicely!

I enjoy the best of both worlds.

Some days I simply kick back and enjoy watching the world go by, oblivious to the gathering dust bunnies and the dishes in the sink. It is on days like this - when I feel like an old lady with MS (which is exactly what I am) - that I go to feed the ducks, and I usually bring my camera. People watching is such a wonderful pastime, and it takes no effort at all on my part. I have to admit that on days like this, I secretly pity the go-getters of this world.

Then again, there are times that I almost feel driven, and I mean that in a good way. There are days that I can hardly wait for the mailman to come. I can see the mailbox some 200 yards across the cow pasture (no actual cows involved) from my bedroom window. I wait in anticipation of the moment when I will walk out my front door, and walk across that cowless cow pasture to my mailbox, unaided by my walker or even my cane. The pasture is mostly lawn these days, but the footing is uneven and it is a real challenge to my agility. Sometimes, when the going is particularly rough, I play the theme from Rocky in my head as I approach my front door, mail in hand.

I’ll take my yucks where and whenever I can. I am an equal-opportunity enjoyer.

I totally can't take the whiners, wimps and sissies either but it looks like I am a martyr! Probably because I am so afraid to slow down in fear that it will all come crashing down around me.

I actually admire the ones that manage to make the rest of us look bad in comparison despite numerous obstacles.

When I crash, I crash very, very hard. When I'm up and going, I can get tons done--if I stop, I'm dead in the water however.

But yeah, I am another whiner, wimp, and sissies person and can ID with your definitions. I understand the need some people have to do those things, but it sure makes YOU feel inadequate at times and wonder why you can't seem to make it look easy too.

I'm not "not responding", I'm just thinking about all your replies!

OK, for the record: I don't think people who are sick, depressed, discouraged, or need to share their burdens are whiners, wimps, or sissies.

And I don't think that people who put on their big girl panties and do what has to get done are martyrs. God bless them! When my Dad (who had MS) stopped driving, he WALKED the mile and a half each way to work, summer and winter, and never took a sick day, because you do what you have to do. But he didn't take an attitude about it.

The "martyrs" I'm talking about make a not-so-subtle point with their attitudes that "....and so would YOU, if you weren't a whiner wimp sissy."

You know, like Ida Morgenstern on TV: "No, no, you all go and have a good time, I'll be fine here alone scrubbing the ceiling with a toothbrush. If it flares up again (cough, cough, wince) I'll just call an ambulance or something."

There's a huge difference between the people I admire who just keep plugging along with a cheerful (or at least philosophical) attitude, and those who paste on a phony smile, heave a pathetic little sigh, and say "No, no, don't feel bad about not helping. You just stay home and...rest. The swelling has almost gone down around my incision anyway."