I'm struggling so much with this new relapse. How do you keep from feeling sorry for yourself? How do you stop crying all the time? I'm so angry at this disease and I know that you all are suffering the same things, so why do I feel like I'm all alone in this?

I know the steroids are wreaking havoc on me right now and it will pass... but I'm just so tired of it all. I guess I just wish I knew your secret. You all seem so positive and I want it to rub off on me. I'm usually a really happy and positive person, but I feel like I just hate everything right now and I'm finding it difficult to get through this without alienating everyone around me.

Sorry for the vent....

We all have those days! Hell I am having one of those months...well, come to think of it one of those years! I am getting ready to go back for another round of IVSM since the one we did before Thanksgiving is wearing off and now I have more Sx.


I'll tell you a secret... Chocolate, Red wine and a punching bag. Sometimes you just need to cry and sometimes you just need to scream. Then there are times when you just need to punch the **** out of something! And follow with your favorite chocolates and a glass of wine. It works wonders.... unless the steroids make everything taste like rubber. Then you just have to double up on the punching bag.

I guess that is what I wanted to hear, that it is okay to be mad and to cry. I feel like I'm failing because I can't be happy and positive during this, I feel like I should be stronger and I'm really just a weak, pathetic version of my real self right now.

I've been on the oral steroids for 8 days now, and the last 2 days my sx are worse. My tongue is almost completely numb and I can feel the side of my face numbing more and more.

Thanks for talking to me....

Yeah, I get mad. I don't usually cry. But, sometimes. I cry when I talk to Shared Solutions about how much I hate Copaxone and its side effects. I cry when I light into my DH for treating me differently sometimes, like I don't have a brain and can't make my own adult decisions. When I am not in a flare, I function pretty normally. But, he finds it difficult to get out of his hyper-vigilant stage sometimes. He's been better lately.

I get mad more often than I cry. And I feel sorry for myself when I have to go on disability. Or, when I am about to take a part time job that doesn't pay much over minimum wage. I think I'll enjoy the job, but if I had options comparable to what I've had in the past, I'd make different choices.

I get mad when I have flares and hospitalizations (2 in 2008 -- I spent 4 weeks out my year in the hospital. Almost missed my DD's HS graduation.)

I with I could respond more positively. But, this year has been yuck. I don't have much positive to say.

Sorry. This is just not the direction that I pictured my life going at age 46.

~ Faith

PPMS, didn`t buy it but I am stuck with it anyway, I can still look at the top of the grass instead of the roots so I am good!

Stuff happens, had a lot off friends and family that didn`t make it this far, still get to see the DW and kids every day so?

LOL I like a challenge?

Stuff happens. A good reminder. I used to say, "MS is just my stuff. Everybody has stuff." But, I've been less positive lately. But, yeah. Stuff happens.

~ Faith

Don't feel bad for feeling bad, Blondi! We all have those days, weeks, months. I guess I try really hard to stay positive because I don't want my kids to worry about me. I tend to downplay my sx to them.....what are they gonna do about it anyway? I suppose a lot of that is just the "Mom" in me.

Even though this stupid disease does get painful at times....and I've had my share of scary sx that have lasted months (double vision, numbness, etc.) I just try to look at whatever wee bit of positive I can find in the situation. I may have a numb right hand/arm but I've learned how to use my left hand! I had double vision for four months but I learned how to compensate for it (I got very creative!) and it taught me to be thankful for whatever vision I have....be it doubled or not! At least I could see something.

There are still days when I get down.....wonder what I've done to deserve not just this but the many challenges that have come along in my life.....but I snap out of that quickly because I just ask myself....."why not me?" Should it be someone else....who am I to say? I'm not an overly religious person but I am spiritual and I do believe with all my heart that God is looking out for me (I have proof!) and this is all part of a bigger plan.

Probably more of an answer than you were hoping for but it's how I deal with things. I hope you feel better soon....and don't beat yourself up for feeling bad. It's a natural human emotion. Sometimes we all need to throw a pity party and be the guest of honor.

Oh, and the steroids can do a real number on your emotions.....but it passes.

I stay positive by coming here!

I'm serious!

Some of the humor found here is enough to get me laughing and cheer me up. Especially when Gazelle and CayoKay get going. I've been in stitches and it takes my mind off how crummy I may be feeling.

Much to NT members!

oh yeah. Ask cayo about the Nekkid Hallway story. She is a hoot!

My post follows some very sage advice

When I go through a flare-up, I get really ticked off I want to be able to read, make a cup of coffee and do whatever -- without having to ask for help for any of it.

I just tell myself that the flare will pass and I will be able to make that coffee myself.

It's the goal that keeps me going.

Focus on a goal! That's my small bit of advice

Cheers!

Niko