yeah and even after being DXed the next few visits I left depressed cause I was hoping to hear nero the neuro say oops my bad, didnt happen

heres another for ya Yabbit

I’m new to this journey called MS and it’s been quite a shock. We are all individuals and the way that we deal with our Multiple Sclerosis differs from person to person.

Right now I’m experiencing a sense of loss after learning of my MS diagnosis. I feel like I’m in mourning, grieving over the person I "might have been". I know this is part of the process of learning to accept my illness. I am trying to learn to live with my MS and my changing limitations every day. Each day holds a lesson in learning to accept myself.

I was focusing on the anger, the sadness, the acceptance; but what about the denial. I keep saying to myself, “Do I really have multiple sclerosis?

Char
The day MS really hit me, I collasped on the floor, could not
walk. Lost the musle control or my eyes everything was double or
triple.
Was in the hospital for 1 week and they came to me and said
"WE THINK YOU HAVE MS" (ME MS WHAT IS THAT) realize this was in
l984 you didn't hear about MS like we hear today.

They said we are not sure, but have one more test to take and
that will tell us. (that was the spinal fluid test) OUCH!!!!!
Just hearing (MAYBE,but seeing it on paper written is as definite
I feel you can get)
Drs. seem to hold off with a dx until there is no more tests you
can do. You seeing it on paper and not just hearing it also makes you
feel it is MS not something else that will go away. Because that is probably
what you were hoping and now it really is the dreaded dx you did not want
to see on paper. This is what makes it REAL

Sorry that it wasn't something else but it is better to know then
to keep wondering "WHAT IS IT, I WANT TO KNOW"

Jappy

Char do you mind if I toss a few things out to HF, it is an issue that you will in time see and or something will happen that will take care of the denial, and from my experience and from what I have read of others the first yr or so after being dxed is the hardest, so much is hitting you anxiety confusion anger sadness and fears. slowly take it a day at a time, and yes I can say pace yourself, but am pretty sure you will find out down the road, ok now I get the pace yourself comment , a lot of it is adjustments accepting the fact of your adjustments is an issue you can fight or say bummer now it takes two days to dust the living room instead of a few hours. if you can handle little things like that, the transition will be smoother,

i can only tell you how much i wish I knew a site such as this and folks as these people, when I was Dxed, they all are so caring and its cause we all are hit differently from the MSbs and the MS meds some times the only thing we all shared with MS is the name of our illness and Confusion, and the confusion can get you bogged down at times. keep an eye on body temps fevers exertion, those tend to mess with the MSbs, as does stress.

keep the anxiety in check, if you can, it got the best of me and I had to take some meds to calm my mind, its totally understandable what you are feeling thinking and wondering, take advantage of this great site and ask away, mess me if ya want, i dont bite too much, and i dont sleep either, so odds are i will be on or near by, i've been dxed 3 years and like Jappy, it was a curve ball out of no where,deb was sure there was more wrong, then the go see a shrink answer I started getting and wondering if maybe I was whacked, Its a lot of little petty things you have to over come and the bigger pieces will fall in place. do not hesitate if you need an ear, we all have been there and a few have tshirts too, pink ones

Thank you Char your post got me to thinking, yeah yeah I know be careful dont hurt myself, I now realized what you mean totally, i remember a visit or two after my hospital DX, and his file on me, was open on the counter and he went to go get some free drugs for the spasm and right on top it said MS and rrms or spms (sp?) with a question mark, i had forgotten about this, and how I felt, all came back to me, thanks a lot lol just kidding you, but I did forget about how that felt. thank you for letting me derail a wee bit, for Happy Feet, and another big for you and hopefully you and neuro can have a sit down asap, Like Joyce said you got the DX and can get to the next step maintenance. sorry about the long post

No Problem Frank!

It is a feeling that is hard to explain - but hearing it and seeing it is two different things. I guess seeing it makes it so much more real. Scary!

thanks again!

You know, this got me to thinking too. I remember the first time I saw Jim's break down of disabilities through the va. They had things listed like leg paralysis, arms, hands, etc. But the one thing that took me back was brain damage and it was listed at 10%! I showed it to Jim and he just said that explains alot. lol

It was weird to see it in writing like that. It actually meant that his ms has caused memory and cognition problems. Yet, it said brain damage. Freaky and scary.

Char,

It is a shock to see it in print. It just makes it more "real." I imagine if you have never seen it in print there is a little teeny weeny part of your mind that thinks "oh maybe this really isn't MS and it will turn out to be something else down the road." Now you can't play that game in your mind anymore. That's hard to digest.
I remember when I first got diagnosed I looked at the radiologist's MRI report. The doctors were a bit uncertain for a couple of months since I had constant fevers and other weird things going on that suggested infections. But from the beginning the radiologist called it. Seeing the diagnosis in writing saying "multiple sclerosis" instead of something like "possible demyelinating disease" or just "lesions in the corpus callosum or cerebellum" was very jarring. It was screaming at me off the page.

Hope you are feeling better soon.

Natalie

((((yeahbut))))

I get it. When I had my T spine MRI, I knew something was up. But after a couple years of tests with no answer, I was still pretty sure they would find nothing and give me the *all in my head* dx again.

When I called the neuro for results, they told me I had a syrinx. I didn't know how to spell it - never heard of such a thing before. So I rushed off to get a copy of my MRI films and report.

Seeing the thing, reading the report, I felt gut-punched. I had just been told there was the stuff with my C spine, but this was a whole 'nother game. I don't scare too easy, but this scared me. That was the scariest picture I've ever seen.


The shock of it stinks, but I'm glad you finally know. Sounds like you're in good hands, and you know we're all here for you.