NeuroTalk Support Groups - how do you deal with ignorant people?

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- - how do you deal with ignorant people? (https://www.neurotalk.org/multiple-sclerosis/87967-deal-ignorant-people.html)

I have definitely become less patient with this type of thing. But long before I was actually dx, I didn't feel well and it took energy to just talk and have a normal conversation, much less a stupid one! So I've been known more often than not, to say absolutely nothing and walk off. Or say nothing and just stare at them until they walk off.

This may sound not so nice... and I really am a fairly nice person. But it's just about SURVIVAL! :(

I just can't take on all the stupid people in the world! :rolleyes:

ANYWAY, natalie, it sounds like this person was just being rude and nosy, which is a whole different thing than just stupid!!!!!

The church in town is having their semi annual church tag sale, and I am helping the old ladies run it, so that means I will be peppered with such nonsense most of the day. My standard comment to "but you look so good!" is "well, its good to be seen, excuse me, I see someone I have been hunting for, can I catch up with you later?" and then I skip off.

If you cant dazzle them with your brilliance, then baffle them with your BS. HA! :D

I appreciated Cherie's comment.

Although I don't think I would've said ignorant things to people, my perception of MS was also very inaccurate, prior to doctors considering it as a dx for me.

My only knowledge of it was when I did a visit with a pastor once, to a woman with MS who was bed-bound.

It's easy for us to expect others to have more knowledge and to educate themselves, but, how much did we know about MS prior to our own personal experiences with it?

I acknowledge that, maybe it is easy for me to be positive because I have been fortunate enough not to run into people (either strangers, acquaintances or relatives) who have said ignorant things to me.

If I did, I would likely try to educate those who seemed genuinely concerned or interested, and try to end the conversation quickly, but politely, to those who didn't.

~ Faith

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Originally Posted by Natalie8 (Post 515761)

I was recently visiting family and saw a cousin I have not seen in a couple of years. She heard through the family grapevine that I got diagnosed with MS almost 2 years ago. The first thing she says to me is "so how sick are you?" and "how come you are not disabled?" "You actually look like nothing is wrong." Somehow the fact that she used the word disabled in such a negative way and proceeded to dig for personal medical info really upset me. I had no idea what to say, really. I suppose I could have given her a lesson on what MS is or tell her to butt out however I just stood there feeling stunned. I think it kind of freaked me out too since I don't really think of myself as disabled -- but will I be disabled in the future??

Well, I guess there is a first time for everything....my first MS-related encounter with a rude ignorant person.

Here's my best advice...

Whether it's MS or anything else you don't want to address...when someone asks me a question I don't want to answer, I do just that - I don't answer. They usually ask a second time, at which point I may look directly at them for a couple of seconds, then go back to what I was doing. If they haven't gotten the message at that point, they will after the third time. :)

The point is this: why become uncomfortable? Let them become uncomfortable, if that's what it takes. Whatever, just maintain control of how you want to feel. If you start trying to come up with a response to a question that you'd prefer to not answer, then you are giving control of your mental state to someone else. Never allow that to happen.

It doesn't have to be confrontational; in fact, it can even be amusing. Now, occasionally someone will take offense at your measured silence. Just keep your control and only respond if you feel like it. My final comment, all other things failing, would simply be, "I don't want to discuss it."

You're not on the witness stand - you don't have to engage anyone if you don't want to. Your mind is your own, private space.

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Originally Posted by Shelley (Post 515815)

I would have smacked her and then said sorry I have no control over that arm. :D

Good one. :D

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Originally Posted by kingrex (Post 516973)

I like your approach. Why do we always feel the need to try and not make other people uncomfortable....even if their actions are making us uncomfortable? :confused:

If I don't feel like an ignorant person, I normally will just tell Cindy I can't talk now and will call her later when I can.

I know that'll hurt later

i know how your mind can go blank in the moment.
sometimes i use a comment for a teachable moment but it depends on the circumstances.

after a while you get more immune to stupidity.

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Originally Posted by kingrex (Post 516973)

EXACTLY!!! :cool:

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Originally Posted by NurseNancy (Post 517016)

sometimes i use a comment for a teachable moment but it depends on the circumstances.

I agree.

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after a while you get more immune to stupidity.

Some people ask things with the best of intentions, and - speaking only for myself - I would probably try to respond kindly to a heartfelt question, rather than ignoring it or becoming aggressive. But I would certainly stonewall a question or comment from a stupid person - I just wouldn't let myself become upset in the process.

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