I'm a bit frustrated with the American disability system. I have been raising (and homeschooling) children for the past 23 years. In two more years, they will all be in school, and I had always planned at this point to start a full-time career to help put them through college. Unless something really dramatic happens--and my neuro used the word "refractory" last time I saw him--that's now out of the question. But since I don't have much of a work history, I'm not eligible for much disability. Disability payments are based on what you've earned in the past, not on what you could earn if you were healthy.

I work part-time from home as a free-lance...well, anything. I do editing, proofreading, some writing, a bit of bookkeeping, secretarial work--whatever I can find. As my kids need me less, I'll be looking for more of this sort of work, but it's not what I had in mind.

Alice said to me a while ago that I don't have to give up my dreams; I just have to find a different way to live them out. I think that may be right. My dream was to teach, and I will teach. I'm teaching now. Besides my own kids, I have a weekly high-school English class of 12 home-schooled students (this is my volunteer work). I will look for (or create) opportunities like this one, and I'll do what I can. I constantly try to remember to be grateful that I can earn money at all, and especially that the money I earn is only needed for college tuition, and not for my own support. I know that the matter is much more pressing for many people here. Still, I'm disappointed. I had hoped to do something both meaningful and lucrative. I know, I know--very few people are that fortunate even if they're healthy! But still.

Abby