[allen L]

I cant help it.
So many of you here have adjusted to the hardships and I know my case of MG is only ocular right now, but it has most definately effected(affected, more like INFECTED) my quality of life.
Im having a difficult time accepting this is the way I might have to spend out the remainder of my years. Im not happy, and Im really angry.
Ive had the living in todays world surgeries, back, melanoma, hernia, knee, the main course of ailments, and Ive been a bull my entire life, bounced back, never looked back.
I love life.
I never expect my wife or children to give up or sacrifice anything for me.
Ive become a hermit almost. Im so uncomfortable travelling anywhere at night, knowing my eyes want to shut, and dont cooperate with me sometimes.
I havent ventured too far away from home since I began the Mestinon and had some rough periods with my stomach, having been diagnosed with diverticulosis a year earlier. Not a good combo.
Im not a crybaby. Im not looking for sympathy, empathy, whatever its called.
I cannot believe the determination of so many of you here.
why arent so many of you cursing and kicking things?
Yeah, I know it wont help, but Im so angry Im one of the lucky ones chosen to have this disease.

I went to my Neuro on Monday.
He asked me how Im feeling.
I looked at him and said, how am I feeling? Using some choice 4 letter words, not directed at him ofcourse, I told him how angry and ticked off I was.
I spent the last almost 40 years working hard so I can enjoy my life when I got to this age, travel, being able to afford things I could never afford when I was younger. Now Im a prisoner of Myasthenia.
And I know Im not a prisoner, but not having the confidence that I can drive myself home from a night of poker with the boys, or take my wife out for an icecream at 8 pm, well, those are only the tiny points, But its all the small things that make life grand, and this MG, well, it takes away all the small qualities of life Ive always looked foward too, and worst of all, always took for granted.
Cant fight it. Nothing I can do, but wait to see if I get better, if Im one of the llucky ones, or wait till I get worse, and I dont like my odds.
My neuro suggested I might do well on IVIG.
I thought it was a few hours in an outpatient atmosphere.
He then informed me I have to go into a hospital for 2 days at least to be monitered the first time. After that, I should be able to arrange out patient.
Just hard for me to accept, sorry. Im not a happy camper these days.
Alot of you are inspirational to me. Youve overcome such incredible disabilities associated with this disease. I bow to you all.
Me, I want to punch out the first person that doesnt understand why I wont come over to their house on saturday night, or wont go to the movies with them. Im so tired trying to make anyone understand.
Im sorry about the ranting, Im just really angry with Myasthenia gravis.