[typicalfam]

How do I learn to say no?? I was able to do so many things before and now I can barely take care of my own needs ?? It really frustrates me... I am usually such a positive person.

[(Broken Wings)]

Welcome to NT

It is hard to say no. I am still learning how to myself.

As far as my injuries came into play, I hated "I can't..."

You're not alone. I'm sure others have mastered this long before you and I. I hope they will come along and share their technique.

[Hockey]

Hello and welcome to NT!

You're one step ahead of me as you have the sense to know you should say "no." I'm my own worst enemy because I have trouble admitting that I can't do evertything I used to do and that (gulp) I might even need help.

Learning to deal with serious illness in a journey -it's long and has to be taken one step at a time.

Cheers

[kzlrogue]

You are not alone!! Saying no is really hard. Not that I am an expert at it but I finally came to the realization that you have to take care of yourself first. I know this sounds so cliche but it's true....you can't take care of anyone else until you've take care of yourself.

I know it is easier said then done. I was brought up where you show no pain....emotions are a sign of weakness.....you suck it up at all costs and deal with it behind closed doors. These ways served me fine until I had developed spinal cord issues and now have lived with chronic pain for 5 years. I couldn't "suck it up" anymore because it was sucking the life out of me. I became a person that I didn't even want to be around!! However, once I started letting go and facing the fact that I can not do the things I use to do (trust me it took a long time and was not easy!), it became easier. My family and friends at first didn't understand but eventually they came around and are very supportive. I don't think I could go through it without them.

In time, you too will find your way and the ability to say no! It gets easier each time you say it! And with saying no, people will start to understand a little more of what you are going through. If they don't, it's time to determine if they are someone you really want in your support system?

Good luck and one last thought........saying no to someone can be like saying yes to you!!! Don't be so ready to give all of yourself away!

[MelodyL]

Originally Posted by typicalfam

How do I learn to say no?? I was able to do so many things before and now I can barely take care of my own needs ?? It really frustrates me... I am usually such a positive person.

Hi:

Here's a good comeback if someone requests you to do something that you really know you shouldn't do, can't do, or you know it will be virtually impossible to do....for example, doing an errand for someone, or cooking a meal that you know you are not up to doing...or lifting something heavy.....

You look that person dead in the face,(if they are standing in front of you I mean) you smile and you softly say "oh my, I am just not myself today, I would LOVE to be able to do this for you, (or substitute I would LOVE to be able to help you"........then you say with a sad smile on your face...........

"BUT I'M REALLY NOT UP TO IT"......then you have to add the following phrase. saying it softly, with meaning

You DO understand DON'T YOU??? (with a smile).

There isn't a person on this planet who won't come back with a

"Oh, of course I understand".

Believe me, unless that person is 10 or under (kids are full of entitlement), a normal person would never want to be thought of as THOUGHTLESS.

Try it. You'll see what I mean. Practice saying it first in front of a mirror. Look at your expression when you say it. Then memorize it.

Let me know how you do.

Melody