You are precious.

Please please dial 911 or contact a local Suicide Hotline. That is first and foremost.

Talk therapy by itself may not enough in your situation. I have been in a similar place and know how terrible the pain can be. Please find a psychiatrist who can diagnose your problem and prescribe medication to help you through the hard part. Depression and other "mood disorders" are very treatable medical conditions, basically caused by biochemical imbalances in the brain.

There are many other simple changes you can make in your life to help yourself, but begin now by reaching out for immediate help via 911 or suicide hotline. And connect with a psychiatrist who can diagnose and treat the underlying medical issue.