[LostInCentralTexas]

First off, forgive me if a ramble as my brain seems to not function to well anymore and I rarely, if ever, get the chance to actually talk to someone about what is going on inside my head.

The "diagnosis" list: AIDS, HCV, Type 1 Rapid Cycling Bi-Polar, Severe Anxiety, Severe Depression, and ADD. I think that is the list. Sometimes I forget all of them. I think the later diagnosis are related to the first as when that one got so bad back in 2007 is when all of the later came onto the scene but try and tell a doctor and get him to believe you.

I've had AIDS for 18 years now. For the majority of the time I did just fine and dandy. My counts got VERY bad back in 2007, that is when I was first diagnosed with severe anxiety. Then in order of diagnosis, Bi-Polar, Depression, ADD, and Type 1 rapid cycling. My rapid cycling can be as many as 8 - 10 times a day.

There are many days when I just feel like I have totally lost my mind and live in my own personal little void. I take 5 different psycotropic meds from Depacote ER (2000mg a day) to Vyvanse (60mg) and 3 other mood stabilizers in between. I HATE this "void" I feel like I live in. I've basically lost most all of my friends and the one person in the world I could talk to, my mom, passed away last summer. I have threatened to kill myself and got dragged in handcuffs to the hospital. I self admitted into treatment but all they did was keep me knocked out the entire time so I checked out of there. I just feel so completely lost and alone all of the time now. I'm glad to have found this board as maybe I can make some sense out of all my craziness.