My dear, dear Tina, please try to breathe deeply, slowly, & stay as much as possible in the present.

Upsetting others by not having surgery ought not to be an issue. Do you need this surgery? Talk with your children. Ask them whether things can go on as they are, or whether they think you've reached a point where the pain is interfering with your quality of life. They are old enough to know this.

Have you checked into the record or your surgeon & hospital? If they aren't top notch, you may seriously want to reschedule. But soon.

Hugs, prayers.