Hi, ginnie:

Thank you so much for understanding my feelings. This morning, when I read both your messages, I felt so touched it brought tears to my eyes. There is nothing worse than being rejected by one's family because one is disabled, sick, and poor. I agree so much with you when you say it is not the gift or its cost that matter, but the presence and love this person can offer. Obviously, in my family, my presence is not desired, nor is my love wanted. I hear almost every day comments like: "When are you going to live us alone? Are we going to have to stand your presence for the rest of our lives? When are you leaving?..."

Quote: "They are making you feel worse than you already do, because you cannot afford the gifts."

This is why I hate celebrations like Birthdays, Father or Mother's Days, Christmas Day, New Year's Eve Day... I feel left out, rejected, hated, and criticized so much. My family thinks I am greedy, when I am just poor. They just forgot (and they want to forget) I have a health condition very expensive to control, called generalized internal chronic RSD. They prefer to say RSD is in my mind.

One thing that shocked me is when my mother offered to buy a U.S. $ 50,000 luxury SUV to my brother who is already rich (he earns at least between U.S. $ 4,000 and $ 5,000 every month) while, at the same time, refusing to give me the same U.S. $ 50,000 I must have to go to Germany to see Dr. Rohr for the inpatient RSD Ketamine Coma Procedure I really need to expect getting better someday (I earn a little less than U.S. $ 1,000 every month). My mother tells me something like: "What if this treatment is ineffective? What a waste of money!" but she does not tell my brother: "What if you wreck the luxury SUV? What a waste of money!" It is so easy to see who is loved most between me and my brother. No need to be a rocket scientist to see this.

Quote: "Your culture sounds like it is putting a lot of pressure on you to do something you can't do."

Not everybody in every family in the country in which I am gives more importance to the financial value of gifts. There are some families who care more about the money and mine is one of them.

I do not receive any kind of help from the French government or from the French Polynesian government. I remember reading an article in one French Polynesian newspaper mentioning that the French Polynesian goverment considers older people, disabled people, and poor people like a burden, even though most of these people do not receive any help.

Yes, our teeth suffer. I have to put off having my teeth treated, I have to put off having new eyeglasses done, I have to put off consulting a new endocrinologist for my thyroid problems, I have to put off buying a new functional knee brace for my RSD knee (result: more pain, but not more painkillers, because these happen to be narcotics and no doctors in French Polynesia like to increase narcotics dosage, even if it is necessary and even though there are Americans who are taking a much higher narcotics dosage than mine for the same health condition I have), I have to put off seeing a specialist to check if I have or not brain and/or breast cancer or tumor... all of this because I am poor. Someday, I will have to choose between rent, food, medical treatment, etc.

I am sorry for your tooth problem. To add to this, I know about priorities, choosing which body part will get medical care first, according to how much (little) money we have.

You are the kind of person everybody would want as a friend or family member, because you showed the true nature of your heart, full of love, compassion, caring, understanding...

Quote: "Maybe you should just tell those people who expect a big gift to back off, that their hearts are not in the right place. RSD is horrible to live with and they should show you compassion."

When I tell people who expect an expensive gift to back off, they bite my head off, telling me I have no gratitude in my heart and that I have a rock in place of my heart.

At "home", my only friend is (you are going to think I am nuts) my childhood pillow. Every time I am sad, I go to my bedroom and cry my eyes off on my childhood pillow until it gets so, so wet. I also feel I can confide (silently) to my childhood pillow when I need to get something out of my chest. I am not crazy; I just feel so, so lonely. My mother knows how much I love my childhood pillow. One day, she told me she would throw it away. Now, whenever I go out, I take my chilhood pillow with me so she cannot destroy it. Even though it might sound crazy to some, I love my childhood pillow and I know he loves me.

Thank God we can choose our friends. Family we are kind of stuck with. It is a sad commentary that your family wants expensive gifts in order for them to be satisfied. The whole world seems so material oriented these days. Is your whole country the "culture" bent on expensive gifts, or is it just your family?
Jesus wouldn't expect you to give an expensive gift when you could not afford it. In fact he would insist on no gift. Don't except the gifts from your family, if they are going to make you feel bad about what you can offer. Your health is more important than what they want from you. Medical costs everywhere are through the roof. I want you to know I care, I am sorry your family seeks earthly material goods at the cost of your feelings. Not everyone is that way. My family isn't like that. At least the part of the family who is still with me. I have some close friends, none of us exchange expensive things. We are all hurting financially, so it is not expected. We enjoy each other, and have a simple meal, no pressure, just joy. I really hope that your family will learn to be compassionate toward you, and under stand the true meaning of christmas, and all the other holidays. It is never about gifts. Take care Kitty, be good to yourself. I hope you have peace in your life over the holidays. I will be thinking of you. ginnie

Hi Lori Bell,

Welcome to Neurotalk!

I am in the dental field for many years as a chairside assistant. Most of my posts are on the dental forum ... if you are interested in seeing some of the conversations there.

Just to clarify what your dentist was trying to inform you of and to also inform you of the risks of what has occured....

A build up on a tooth is made from a composite material that is put on in layers on top of the piece of tooth that is sticking out of the gum. When it's done, it resembles the shape of a small tooth. This material does not go into the roots at all. The material he was referring to has to do with the root canal procedure and it is one of two materials..... #1) It could be the cement that was injected into the large canals inside of the roots and/or.... #2)It could be the filling material called gutta percha that is used to fill the large canals inside of the roots.

Here's what happens...
During the root canal procedure, the instruments called files/reamers are repetitively pushed in/out of the inside of the roots in an attempt to crush and remove the nerves located there. Sometimes a rotary file is used which serves the same purpose. During aggressive use of the files, or when a tooth is infected, it is easy to perforate the end of the root. Then when the cement and/or the gutta percha is pushed into these canals it is often pushed through this perforation into the jawbone. It can easily be seen on an xray.

The surgery he is talking about to remove the material in the bone is called an Apicoectomy. This procedure is rarely done anymore because it has NO positive effect on the tooth and in fact it can compromise the bone even further leaving you with more infection and because this procedure can irritate bundles of nerves within the bone it can cause other areas of referred pain. During this procedure, a drill is used to cut a window into the bone below the root of the tooth. Files (similar to root canal ones) are used to scrap out that material that was overshot through the root into the bone. The hole is patched up with a mercury filling or some similar type of material and the tissue is sutured closed.

When he mentioned a surgery might be needed he was forewarning you that this tooth is now compromised in spite of putting on the crown which only covers the top portion of the tooth above the gumline. This means that eventually this tooth may show signs of abcess, pain, mobility, deep pocketing in between the teeth on either side, jaw pain....... etc. He probably mentioned it in a casual manner, but in reality, this is not a good scenerio and the life expectancy of this tooth is guarded.

A lot of information to be given.... but it's only fair that you are properly informed of what has occurred because you do have the option at this point to forgo the crown and have the tooth extracted. This would avoid a costly problem in the future.

Hope you can speak with your dentist about your options and make your decision based on what you feel is in your best interest.

Bryanna