[Rio1]

I still remember the day I got it...the first symptoms, that is. It was a day that I was totally psyched about only to suffer from PTSD for the rest of my life. Most doctors have chuckled or laughed about when/how it came about and, to be honest, it does sound ridiculous. However, NO physician and I mean NO physician has the right to laugh at anyone's horrific past.

I was eleven years old and rarely smiled because of a mild overbite and somewhat crooked teeth. I was supposed to get braces on my teeth--I was so excited because I thought, "Hey! Awesome! I will eventually be able to smile really wide in pictures instead of just having a toothless grin!"

Before we even left the house, I knew something wasn't right. My legs were spasming and I didn't know why. I kept trying to tighten them, thinking it would stop it, but it made it worse. What was going on?

By the time I got to the orthodontist and lay back in his chair, the spasms were at full tilt. My orthodontist thought I was jerking around on purpose--being "disobedient". He had a technician hold my legs down while he screamed in my face to SIT STILL! SIT STILL! SIT STILL! WILL YOU RELAX ALREADY???!!! Soon other techs and people in the other chairs are staring at me. They are whispering loud enough for me to hear, "What is wrong with that girl?"

Why couldn't he have told my parents that he couldn't put braces on me and leave it at that? Why didn't I tell my parents I didn't want to pursue the treatment?

I was only 11 years old.

For 2 1/2 years I had a man, an orthodontist with a severely retarded child at home, scream at me and ask me if I was retarded. Would that have made his rantings any more valid?

Today, I cannot stand to be touched by strangers, be in close proximity of someone, receive a massage, pedicure, manicure, smile in a picture--all because I am so traumatized from being stared at by what seemed like a million people so long ago.

Then the antidepressants came...Long story short, you do not give SSRI's to someone with myoclonus and not expect the patient to worsen. Ummmm...PSYCHIATRISTS PLEASE DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!

I somewhat mask my twitches, tics, (whatever) with Valium or a cocktail of Valium with a hint of Trazadone. With strangers, I don't look at them in their eyes if I pass them, I pretend to look through my purse, sneeze, whatever, just to detract from what huge spasm might happen.

Ugh, that's enough. That's my myoclonus beginning and somewhat the present. I'm here because I need to know that there are others out there with their unique stories.

Though I might sound bitter, I'm okay. It's hard, but at my age, you either live with it or you choke yourself with it. I choose the former...

Thanks for reading...