I cry. A lot. I despise myself for what I've done in my life. I can't forgive myself for my mistakes. I can't see myself ever accomplishing anything.

I know part of the reason I'm like this is because of my Depression, but my psyche makes me believe it is true. I don't want to take medication, plus i feel like I accomplish so much more if I get happier on my own.

People hate me. I know they do. Everyone has "haters" but I feel i have too many. So many people has told me they cared about me and then walked out of my life. I hear people call me a "nobody".

AND my self esteem is so low. If people ever compliment me, i fight back. I just can't believe them. I'm starting to believe i might be schizophrenic when it comes to things like that. (But that's the only symptom of it, so I'm not too worried)

Anyway. . . I try to talk about this stuff, but people think i'm just trying to get attention.

Help me remember what a smile feels like.

Hi Lucy, I'm the Momma although my user name is different. All my babies can tell you, I'm gonna tell you like it is. We are all brought into this world as clean as a wiped chalkboard. As you know that changes as we grow, learn, make mistakes and hopefully we learn from those mistakes.

If you need to take the meds, take them, I know what it feels like to not believe that you're are worthy of compliments. We all have had things we've dealt with when it comes to our past. Is what you've done in your so unforgivable or do YOU think it is so unforgivable? Only you can answer that. I have things that I find truly hard to forgive myself, but if you keep living in that past, you will never make it to this day, this time, now. It is not going to happen.

If you do not have a therapist, maybe you should find one that is right for you. I know depression, it is one of my symptoms with my MS...I never had it before and when I did...well let's just say I knew it wasn't ...me. You will find support here, and people who will listen and try to help you through this. You and only you can fight to find the 'normal' for you.

My heart aches for you and one of the reasons I don't visit here as often I once did is because...as my doctor said...I have too much compassion and needed to step back. I still check in from time to time...I got a passel of youngins that will get out of hand and into all kinds of trouble I stay gone too long.

You take it a step at a time, day at a time...soon you will find your heart heals and nothing that you've done is unforgivable...Jesus died on the cross just for that reason...so maybe you need to start by trying to forgive yourself.