[Nezzer]

Hi. First post. I've never really discussed BPD on a forum before, but I don't have much luck doing it verbally so hopefully it will be helpful. I haven't been living with this diagnosis for to long, about 6 months actually when I had the longest day of my life... I'm almost sure it lasted about a week. From the symptoms I had and everything I told my therapist about myself she told me that I have rapid-cycling BPD which is some new and magical kind of BPD that was bestowed upon me (by some higher power I'm sure) specifically just to screw me over differently. Joking. No the truth of that is they're just finding ways to broaden the labels they have in order to understand what they've been... trained about... blah. I really hate therapists but I think I'm rambling off topic... which is sort of why I'm typing this.
You see, I'm the BP of the very paranoid variety and I didn't really know that I had this for some time they just told me I'd get it when I was much much older and of course all my friends were very aware of my time of difficulty when it was happening and to be completely honest, out of the few friends that I have most of them are complete assholes and they take pride in that fact. A few months ago when I felt especially paranoid I felt that my friends were placing me in situations that related to the paranoid delusions I had when I was having my difficult time and I've always been extremely gullible (because I freakin trust people) so it wouldn't be hard to do (so when I'm very convinced that they're doing this I almost become enraged by the fact that they probably think they're sooooo smart because you have to be a genious to mess with people you know?). So a few months ago I told everyone I was friends with "Uhhh hey... I don't need you anymore... live long and prosper and whatnot uhhhhhh..... goodbye" and I just ditched everyone for like 2 months straight. So of course after I was sure that the entire process my brain used to think had changed I called them back and only a couple bothered forgiving me and now I think they're messing with me again. And today my mind began linking all the many possibilities of how they could be talking to my parents who probably hate me as well and once again the world has become very very lonely and I'm afraid that if I said any of this to anyone I know they would just use it against me to mess with my head. Infact, if you reply to this post my first thought is going to be that your someone I know just flat out ****in with my head because you have nothing better to do. And even though I know I haven't been taking my lithium and getting my rest and eating like I should be, its very very hard to shake this feeling... infact it's completely impossible. I almost wish the only people who might care me did hate me and are consipiring against me, just so I could do something about it... but whatever.
But yeah. Hi, my name's Chris and I was just wondering if anyone's been there like that you know? I'm sure someone has but it's hard to tell if they're just messing with my head or not.
Anyway, I'm beyond honored if you've taken the time to read all of this and I greatly appreciate it since it's the first time I've put that **** out in the open. And I know, I should be saying all this to a shrink but I'm currently quite happy with not feeling suicidal on the medication I'm taking... ya know?