Hi Adamo,

Actually was just going to post again because I was afraid I had spooked you. Sorry if I was too hard on you last time and thank you for posting back.

I appreciate your getting back to me on the "other" ways of controlling anxiety. I have a better idea of where you are at now. You have experience in a couple of Eastern disciplines and so are familiar with many other (non-drug) approaches; even so, these aren't effective for you in a crisis. That is a very different picture than a person who hasn't tried the techniques or is exclusively focused on medication.

About the 2 months thing, and getting off the drug sooner than later. I think your doctor is trying to encourage you to come off it if you can handle the process. I agree that as long as you can handle it, the sooner the better. I have said so before.

In your last post, it sounded like you were afraid you could not handle it... possibly with good reason. I can only go by what you tell me. It sounded like you were starting to... to use a candid technical term... flip out. That would be bad in itself, first; second, if you ended up in the hospital again, they might put you back on the full Klonopin dosage, and it would be the worst of both worlds.

Let me try to explain what I meant saying that the two month mark is arbitrary. I myself have read many benzo drug inserts indicating 8 weeks as the "no longer than" length of treatment, including a period of gradual suspension. This is a safety thing they put in, based on the way they conduct clinical trials, and the duration of the trials too. Bear in mind that drug companies only test things for a specific duration, and they must cover their proverbial behinds. Besides that, their data is necessarily statistics-based; each individual case will vary. There is one more thing, and as a rational person, I am sure you will agree: no human brain is going to change overnight to day after 7 weeks and 6 days, because after exactly 8 weeks, DING! Total dependence! No. That is not a magic boundary. The process is gradual.

In view of all this, I agree that a taper should be done within the recommended time if possible, but I do not agree with forcing suspension into an 8 week period beyond an individual's capacity to deal with it. That is likely to be counter-productive. Even if your symptoms are psychosomatic, it doesn't mean they don't count. Hopefully your doctor has been able to evaluate you when you are at your worse... perhaps she sees that you are, indeed, "handling it" better than you feel you are?

I do hope the psychotherapy helps. Acceptance of mental health issues of any kind is difficult. In your case, it sounds to me like a simple stress reaction. The whole experience with the possible cancer dx, Valley fever, and then the gabapentin was a huge strain on you. You will recover. It will probably take time to get back to your 100% but I believe you will. You are no Humpty Dumpty. Humpty Dumpty is like a china plate. No amount of glue can make a plate regenerate. We humans do. We grow new flesh, new bone, we process feelings, we reregulate chemical processes... the works. You won't be exactly the same as before, but hopefully you will be stronger because you will have learned from this process.

Were you panicking when you posted about your job, or do you truly have concerns about losing it? If so, what about a medical leave of absence or would that put you in further jeopardy?

How are you feeling now? Are you still taking 0.75 mg Klonopin, and what is the current plan?

Look forward to your news. Take care.

waves